This is for those of us who power-wash our power-washers

brene i am enoughIt takes great courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, imperfect, ourselves.  To set boundaries and to let go our our ideas of perfection.

Brene classIt’s not really a revelation to me that I could use some self-compassion.  I’m taking Brené Brown’s e-course on The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are and am trying to give myself some love.  I found a photo of myself as a 4-year-old… she was comfortable in her own skin, curious, playful, sweet, imaginative (exactly how my sweet girl is now, actually).  And I remember myself as a 20-year-old college girl striving so so hard for the approval of others so that she would feel she belonged.  I want to tell her:

“You are already enough.”

“It’s ok to be afraid.”

“There is untapped strength within you.”

“You are never really alone.”

Brené says that perfectionism and self-compassion are inversely proportional.  Perfectionism is about gaining the approval of others.  Huh.  See… I think I am mostly trying to gain my own approval.  There’s nobody here but myself telling me to go, go, go.  If I spent a few hours on the sofa watching a movie one morning, it would not be the end of the world.  And yet, I don’t do it.  It would be lazy.

I got a massage a couple weeks ago because I had wound myself up so tight that I had a tension headache for a week.  It’s probably from running running running, mind whirling constantly, never at peace.

You will probably laugh at this, but I had a piece of paper and a pencil on the massage table with me so that when an idea or task popped into my head, I could quickly scribble it down.  I thought it would relax me to know that it was all there and I could let it go from my mind.  I guess it wasn’t a usual thing because the massage therapist thought I was nuts.  (I already keep my phone on during the session in case my daughter’s school calls, and we hear a lot of e-mail “dings” throughout the hour… not exactly relaxing either.) I ended up with a page of chicken scratch because it was very dark in there.

FountainThen toward the end of the massage, the knots finally gave way to space.  I could rotate my head and roll my shoulders without hearing any popping noises.  I felt I could breathe again.

The questions is: WHY??? Why do I do this to myself? I am exhausted.  No wonder I look forward all day to curling up into bed with a book, just relaxing, letting my frizzy hair wind itself into a rat’s nest as it does every night.  (I envy women who can get out of bed and go exercise or drop their kids off at school looking pretty ok.)

I definitely am a perfectionist though.  On the near horizon: Turkey Day at my house and my daughter’s 5th birthday party.  Of course, I overdo it with wanting everything to look “just so.”  I’ve been painting over smudges on walls, ordering cute throw pillows, vacuuming cat litter and crumbs almost every day, planning menus… trying to see our house (and our life) as someone else would.

Is the perfectionism, as Brene suggests, a shield to protect my vulnerability? What would it matter if I were seen as I am in any moment, messy or cluttered or blah? Who would really care if there were a pile of my daughter’s artwork in a corner somewhere? Wouldn’t it be fine if someone, looking for the restroom, opened the door to the hall closet and found it to be an enormous mess? Aren’t we all just doing the best we can?

I am calm.  I am weary.  I’ve surrendered.  I’ve accepted.  As we declared on the first day of class, I am imperfect and I am enough, just like this.  I choose to let my imperfections sparkle.

windchime

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The card pack giveaway winner is Susanna Gross. Congratulations, Susanna! I have a few packs of these photo cards left so if you’re looking for some pretty blank notecards, come check them out.

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I won’t be following my usual blogging routine this week.  Let’s say I’m trying to practice cutting myself some slack! We have lots of family plans for Thanksgiving and Chanukah and I hope to soak in as much joy as I can.  I have so much to share with you in December – fun books, art projects, the rest of our home update, and some final Alaska photos.  I’ll be back on Sunday with the One Little Word blog hop.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.  Even if you aren’t observing American Thanksgiving, I hope you will focus on how much simple abundance you have in your lives and all around you.

 

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Photo Friday: pumpkins

Hello FallJust a photo today and a wish for a wonderful weekend to each of you.

 

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On the power of nature: part 5 of a collaborative photo-essay series and a giveaway

card set linkHi friends! We are back with the final installment of our collaborative 5-part series! Read to the end to learn how you can enter our giveaway!

Catch up here:

Amy and I recorded a very short audio introduction to our series, which you can listen to here.

Blog_flowers2This week, Amy wrote our main essay.  Read her thoughts on the cyclical nature of plants and seasons and her yearning to be in the wild.

Plants, and flowers specifically, always strike me as living in some separate realm of time than the one we live in.  They seem to have an inner compass that I lack.  Perhaps it’s that they are tuned in to what they need… and what they need is linked to the wider natural atmosphere around them.

Most of us live in an artificial environment where any kind of little bug in our houses causes us to freak out.  We confuse our bodies with artificial light, sounds, and rhythms.   We try to separate ourselves even from what lives in our chemically-treated lawns and we build sound-proof walls around us.

My daughter is learning about planting and the process of growth from a seed to a fruit or vegetable.  She told me that plants need soil, sunlight, and water to grow and I was struck by how truly miraculous that really is.  They are so simple and yet so complex, infinitely beautiful in their various patterns and colors.  If only we would tune in, we could learn so very much.

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We would like to give you 2 chances to win a card pack featuring all 10 images from this series.  Please leave a comment below for a chance to win and then leave one on Amy’s post for another chance! We will announce the winners on Monday.

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Amy photo

Amy Putkonen writes regularly about the Tao Te Ching at her blog, Tao Te Ching Daily.  She challenges you to reflect on Taoist principles in real life situations and see where it takes you.  Stop by and say hello!

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Naomi photo

Naomi Wittlin is a photographer, blogger, and artist who lives in Houston, TX with her husband and 4-year-old daughter.  She welcomes visitors and new subscribers at poeticaperture.com.

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card set link

Our collaborative photo-essay series will feature 10 of Naomi’s photographs, all of which are available for purchase as a pack of blank greeting cards.  To see all the images and for details, please click the photo to the left.  They’re sitting right here next to me, waiting for you to ask for some!

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Carnival of Creative Mothers: nurturing creativity at home

Welcome to Week One of the month-long Carnival of Creative Mothers to celebrate the launch of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood
by Lucy H. Pearce.

Today’s topic is Nurturing a Culture of Creativity at Home. Be sure to read to the end of this post to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Join the Carnival and be in with a chance to win a free e-copy of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood!

November 27th: Creative Heroines.

December 4th: Creative Inheritance.

December 11th: The Creative Process.

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“Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” ~ Pablo Picasso

paintbrushes

I must admit that creativity around here has developed in a bifold path.  As a very type-A person, working in an accounting firm, for goodness sake, I never felt very creative or willing to let myself create or be surrounded by messes of any sort. Upon entering motherhood however, I found myself at home with a little ball of need (my daughter) and a similar need growing within (loneliness and a need for an outlet).

I needed a way to make visible anything and everything I was feeling.  I was (and still am!) growing spiritually as a person, becoming more nurturing, more patient, and more in touch with the cycle of life.  I yearned for a way to express and release the heartfelt joy as well as the frustrations that seemed to pop up almost every single day.  I desperately craved some time for myself, a space for my heart and soul to sing, and some separation from sippy cups and diapers.

When my daughter was about a year old, I stumbled upon an online writing class that helped me to creatively express all the emotions I felt as a new mother.  That led to another writing class, which gave me the great courage needed to begin this blog.  Then followed photography classes, and finally online painting courses.  Here I am four years down that road feeling like a completely different individual – an artist.

bulletin board inspirationI recently converted our home office into a craft space for myself.  I’ve organized all my goodies into binders and boxes, with colorful tapes and paints and pens within reach.  This space is where I spend the few hours that my daughter is in preschool.  I blog here, paint here, do all my e-courses here.  I try to nurture myself and encourage creativity by lighting a candle before beginning.  Sometimes I will have soft music playing, or incense burning.  I am surrounded by a visual feast of inspiration and encouragement – bulletin boards of drawings, cards from fellow creatives, positive words, artwork.

paintingsMy own creations are on the walls.  There are most definitely way more ideas in my head than there is time to bring them to fruition.

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Paint handsThe other half of the picture takes into consideration little hands covered in glue or grasping a marker or scissors.  My daughter was born musical and artistic, and since she sees her mother doing fun projects that she wants to mimic, there’s no resistance for her to freely express herself in any way she wants to. She has her art supplies (organized, of course – see “type A” above) in an accessible craft closet that she uses frequently.  She thinks nothing of opening it to grab some colored paper, stickers, and glue for a quick project.  Of course, she often wants to use my (nicer and more expensive) supplies, and sometimes I let her.

craft closetI sincerely admire my daughter’s ability to let loose, to ignore any rules and create whatever she wants.  It’s harder for me to do that, but I use her as my teacher.  She has showed me how adding salt to a painting or wetting crayons and markers creates an amazing effect, how to “mix media” to layer things I would never have thought of combining.  She is paving her own way fearlessly and without acknowledging any limits.little feet rainbow

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To continue cultivating a creative home, I must remain conscious of opportunities as they arise.  I often have to stifle my sense of order and let intuition pave the path for me.  I have had to learn to be ok with partially finished projects that must wait for another time.  I’ve had to give myself permission to let whatever comes forth be ok, to let go of that inner critic and just go with it without judgement.  I had to tell myself that it was ok to buy paint and brushes even though I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

I have observed my daughter’s beautiful sense of expression and, in turn, allowed my own creativity to unfold.  It has taught me much about patience, discovery, and loving that person I was before I became a mother and who I am now.

Please share your thoughts in the comments on nurturing creativity at home and consider subscribing to this blog.  It’s sure to be entertaining as the art projects continue to get more and more messy!

If you liked this, you might also like these similar posts:

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and grab your free extras (first 200 orders only!):

 

– exclusive access to a private Facebook group for creative mothers

 

– a vibrant greetings card and book-mark of one of the author’s paintings.

 

Kindle and paperback editions from Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.com, Book Depository, Barnes and Noble

or order it from your local bookshop!

Carnival host and author of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares an extract from the chapter Nurturing a Family Culture of Creativity.

Lilly Higgins is a passionate food writer. Now a mother of two boys, she’s discovered a new calling: to instil in them a love of food and creativity in the kitchen.

DeAnna L’am shares how visioning the New Year with your child is an invitation to be inspired: use creativity and resolutions to create a fun road map for the year ahead.

Molly at Talk Birth on Releasing Our Butterflies – balancing motherhood with creativity.

Laura shares some of the creativity happening at Nestled Under Rainbows and a few thoughts about creativity.

Georgie at Visual Toast celebrates her own unique culture of creativity at home.

Esther at Nurtureworkshop spreads the love of the ordinary, the delights of everyday things that can be an adventure of the imagination.

For Dawn at The Barefoot Home creativity is always a free form expression to be shared by all in a supportive environment where anything can be an art material.

Naomi at Poetic Aperture is a mother, artist and photographer who tries to keep her daughter away from the expensive pens and paints.

Aimee at Creativeflutters writes about keeping your sanity and creativity intact with small kids in the house in her post: Mother + Creativity – They Must Coexist.

Amelia at My Grandest Adventure embarks on a 30 Days of Creativity challenge…you can too!

Becky at Raising Loveliness explores creating with her smaller family members.

Jennifer at Let Your Soul Shine reveals how children help us connect to our souls, through music and movement.

Mary at The Turquoise Paintbrush shares her experiences of creating with kids.

Brooke at violicious spent too much time worrying and trying to be creative instead of letting it flow.

Joanna at Musings of a Hostage Mother explains why creativity at home is important to her in her post “I nurture a creative culture.”


On womansart blog this week – nurturing a creative culture at home.


Creative woman at Creator’s Corner loves color and uses it to paint, draw and decorate to inspire herself and her family.


It took until Amy at Mama Dynamite was pregnant aged 35 to discover her dormant creative
streak – she has found lovely ways of tuning into it every since.

Anna of ArtBuds is a trained educator and art therapist. She has been creating all her life and nurturing her daughter’s creativity at home is a priority.

Deb at Debalicious shares how her family enjoy creativity at home.

Emily at The Nest explores how creativity runs through her family’s life together.

Jennifer at OurMuddyBoots sees that encouraging creativity in children is as simple as appreciating them for who they are: it just means overriding everything we know!

Lisa from Mama.ie has discovered that a combination of writing and traditional crafts can provide a creative outlet during those busy early years of new motherhood.


Anna at Biromums shares what nurturing a culture of creativity means to her.


Zoie at TouchstoneZ argues that the less they are interfered with, the more creative children become as they grow up.


Darcel at The Mahogany Way celebrates creating with her kids.


Molly at MollyLollyLoo explores her family’s shared creative times.


Liz at Reckless Knitting shares how she celebrates creativity with her family.


Sally (aka The Ginger Ninja) of The Ginger Chronicles is continually inspired by her own mum and grandmother.


Just being creative is enough, says Nicki at Just Like Play, as she ponders her journey of nurturing a creative family.


Allurynn shares her creative family’s musings in her post “Creativity… at the Heart of it” on Moonlight Muse.


Laura at Authentic Parenting explores how being creative saves her sanity.

Mama is Inspired talks about how she puts an emphasis on the handmade in her home, especially in the holiday season.

Kirstin at Listen to the Squeak shares with you several easy ways for busy mamas and dads to encourage their children to be creative every day.

Chiswick Mum believes that a healthy dose of chaos is the secret to nurturing creativity at home.

Mila at Art Play Day always lived in her dreams, sleepwalking through life … now she is finding out what creativity is all about…. her inner child!

Sadhbh at Where Wishes Come From describes how picture books can nurture creativity in young children.

Posted in Books, Creativity, Home, Motherhood | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

12 reasons my husband is right for me: an anniversary post

wedding invite12 years ago today, we became husband and wife.  I remember looking forward to being able to stand outside a men’s restroom and say, “I’m just waiting for my husband.” And then not giggle like a schoolgirl.

I asked Mr. B if he’d be up to writing lists this year of 12 reasons we love each other, and being the awesome and agreeable mate that he is, he said yes.  (Being the overworked and stressed mate though, he may not have gotten to his list yet, and I’m ok with that.)wedding

(serenading me on our wedding day)

Here are 12 reasons I know I made the right choice 12 years ago.  Every day between then and now, he’s told me or shown me he cares by doing these things and so many more.

1.  He walks on the street side of the sidewalk.  He often shields me from danger or protects me from things I wouldn’t like.  That means I am in his thoughts often.

2.  He notices the little things.  Whether it’s that I moved a picture from one place to another or that I made an extra effort with my makeup, he has an eye for detail and appreciates any extra effort on my part.

3.  He gives me the last piece.  He wants to provide for me and to make me happy if he can.  He gives me the last bite of chocolate cake or dibs on our favorite chair in the living room.  It’s comical that we both are like this, so we end up saying, “You have it.” “No, you please.” “No, really, you.”

4.  He believes in me.  He thinks I am a good writer, photographer, and mother.  He supports my parenting views and he asks about my creative classes and friends.  He trusts me to pay the bills on time, drive safely, and spend wisely.  He listens to my ideas.

5.  He’s patient.  Thank goodness for that! I am impulsive by nature, so without some tempering, who knows what foolishness we would get into.  He researches (ad nauseum) cars, strollers, appliances… come to think of it, it took him what felt like a very long time to decide on me!

6.  He’s grounded.  I am in my head lots of the time and I need someone with two feet on the ground.  My balloon needs to be tethered to his string to be balanced.   However, while he’s predictable most of the time, he throws in some surprises to keep me on my toes, like the time our electricity went out while I was putting our daughter to bed and he knew exactly who to call and took care of it on his own.

7.  He’s thoughtful.  He will often text me “11:18” when it is that time because that’s our wedding date, Nov. 18.  Even though he could care less, he knows I don’t like when he leaves his coffee mug in the living room so he tries to remember to put it in the sink.  He does lots of small gestures like that that show me I’m on his mind.

8.  He thinks I’m worth it.  While he will rarely buy something for himself, he has no problem getting me or our daughter something.  He is always wanting to splurge on me or on us.

9.  He encourages me to rest.  He laughs when I tell him my to-do list for a day.  I can’t tell you how many times he’s told me to set up a spa day for myself.  I always turn him down, but I appreciate that he wants me to be pampered.  I usually go to bed right after my daughter does, eager to read my book and chill.  That means we don’t hang out much during the week, but he is happy for me to have time for my books and for sleep.

10.  He’s a super fun daddy.  He sees the joy and blessing in our daughter and in our family life.

11.  He sees us as a team.  We may be different, but we compliment each other perfectly.  We give and take as we should.

12.  He’s ok with being apart.  He is a night owl who likes to watch tv.  I’m a morning person who hasn’t watched tv in years and NEED alone time.  We have different parenting approaches, though we learn from each other all the time.  He travels often for work, but it’s nice to come back together again when he gets home from his trips.

our feet

So yes, I am blessed and I fully know it.  As we continue our adventures and walk together wherever the years may take us, I know I have the most supportive arm to lean on.

He’s not one to share our anniversary on Facebook even, so I hope he’s ok with this post!  Happy anniversary, love.

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Photo Friday: one-year-old portraits

Perhaps you remember this little lady from her newborn photos a year ago.

baby asleep

K trio lil cheerleaderThe most awesome part of my experience with this sweet girl is that she is the daughter of a very long-time friend (like our mothers were pregnant together back in the 70s!). It’s so fun to see my friend as a mother.  Her joy-filled daughter recently turned ONE and we captured a few smiles…

IMG_7131Looking at herIn the airWalking togetherSmilesWalking with dogsWhole familyTaste of sand

See more of my photography portraits here.

In recent news, I am helping to edit photos for holiday cards.  Look below for a before and after version.   She sent me some photos and I used the background from one, the girls from another, and got their shoes from other snapshots.  I took out most of the people and cards in the background, brightened up their faces, and cropped to the size she needed for the card she’d selected.  Easy and fun! Let me know if you need similar help.before and after

Have a wonderful autumn weekend, friends!

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