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Thoughts on wholeheartedness

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Naomi

I love reading and learning more about happiness. What is it exactly? How do you cultivate it? I find that I feel best when I am being authentic (like Gretchen Rubin’s personal commandment to “Be Gretchen.”).

Brene Brown writes and speaks about the connection between authenticity, vulnerability, and wholeheartedness. When I heard her speak last year here in Houston, I remember her saying that being true to ourselves, which we mostly are uncomfortable with because it involves being vulnerable with others, is what leads to happiness. In The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, Brene says that wholeheartedness is “the capacity to engage in our lives with authenticity, cultivate courage and compassion, and embrace — not in that self-help-book, motivational-seminar way, but really, deeply, profoundly embrace — the imperfections of who we really are.”

Reading this post by Katrina Kennison, author of The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir started me thinking more about wholeheartedness.

“Hope. Wholeheartedness. Ordinariness. How beautifully these three qualities intertwine in our best, most essential expressions of our humanity. To live is to hope. To live wholeheartedly is to trust that there is always more to come, to believe in the rightness of things as they are.” ~ Katrina Kennison

Being wholehearted is a “way of inhabiting my life,” not something that I need to “do.” It means realizing that “life is already good, faith that I already have what I need, that I’m enough as I am, that things are just fine as they are, and that no matter what the circumstance and even when I don’t have a clue what to do, the loving thing is always my best bet.”

Posted in Mindfulness, Photography, Quotations | Tagged brene brown, GretchenRubin, Katrina Kennison, macrophotography, The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother's Memoir | Leave a comment

Make every day joyful

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Naomi

“We should consider every day lost in which we have not danced at least once.” Nietzsche

Doesn’t this little rose branch look like a little hand stretching up?

Gretchen Rubin recently did one of her happiness interviews with Richard Florida. “Much of his work is about happiness—how to find the work, location, and situation that’s most likely to suit you and allow you to be as happy as you can be.”

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful?
Yes, every day needs a party. My wife Rana and I have one every single day in our own way, making dinner, drinking wine, watching a movie, going for a walk, hanging out with family or friends. One way or another we find a way to make a party each and every single day.

* * * * *

I LOVE the idea of planning to have fun no matter what. My daughter and I just love dancing around our living room to the CD from her music class turned up loud.

Fun can be found anywhere, at any time. We simply have to make it happen.

Share how you make your days more fun-filled…

Posted in Motherhood, Photography, Quotations | Tagged fun, GretchenRubin, happiness, home, Nietzsche, Richard Florida | 6 Comments

Prioritizing self-care: put the big rocks in first

Posted on March 13, 2012 by Naomi

I have been to many conferences where someone demonstrated the importance of prioritizing by filling a jar with fist-size rocks and asking the class if the jar is full. Since another big rock wouldn’t fit, the class answers, “yes.” However, the presenter proceeds to pour a pitcher of gravel, then sand, and finally water into the jar before it is finally full.

“If you don’t put your big rocks in first, the fillers of life will take up your day and you won’t fit your big rocks in at all.”

If you want to get things done that truly matter, you must focus on the big rocks. Ask yourself: What are the most important things I want to be prioritizing in my life right now?”

So much of my time is spent on our home, either getting it decorated and organized or tending to daily life. I wonder though if these are really what matter most. If at the end of the day, I haven’t had some time and space to myself, I can generally feel it. I’m tense and impatient and unsatisfied.

So I’m going to consider that time for myself as my biggest rock. As soon as I can each day, I am going to be mindful of making that time and space available for myself. (Lately it’s been just sitting for a few minutes on the little porch outside our bedroom.) I’m hopeful it will be a calm time of focus and rest in an otherwise busy day.

What are your big rocks?

Posted in Mindfulness, Photography | Tagged perspective, priorities, taking care of yourself, Time management | 10 Comments

This self-care stuff is so hard!

Posted on March 12, 2012 by Naomi

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I admit it ok? I can’t do it very well. Trying to sit on the couch and read a magazine when there is disorder around me is almost impossible. Well, for me. The other members in the house have no problem with it. I seem to be drawn to the things sitting around the room that need to go back to where they belong or be thrown away or straightened.

In this alphamom post, I was reassured that it is hard… raising a child AND taking care of a household. Someone wrote asking for advice on how to “do it all” and said that rather than feeling like the smart and competent individual she was before her son was born, she now feels frumpy, overwhelmed, and incompetent. Hello… me! Part of the answer is to change your expectation of what you’re realistically capable of RIGHT NOW. In a few months things may be different. Kids change so fast. She also advises us SAHMoms to let go of the expectation of having a spotless house, home-cooked dinners, and all that. Sigh.

On Friday morning, I was in a funk with all these little tasks running through my head and I only had two hours since preschool let out early (let alone an entire week of spring break to figure out) and so much to do. I hate to say it but I forgot all my recently-learned lessons and I was going a mile a minute, barely keeping up with myself, going from the garage organization project to my new kitchen binder of go-to recipes to setting up some semblance of a system for our files, when I just slumped on the sofa and started crying. Nothing is getting finished and I can’t work on any of them when my daughter is with me.

So that blog post helped me as did my hubby, who told me to lower my expectations, be realistic about what I can accomplish in a day, and to focus mainly on what I have gotten done and feel good about those things. If I get two hours to myself, I should not spend that entire time thinking it’s not enough and it’s almost over. (Totally guilty of that!) And then he had to tell me again on Saturday and yet again on Sunday. Thank goodness for him.

For our March assignment for my One Little Word, we are supposed to identify one thing this month, related to our word, that we want to focus on. I just decided that I’m going to be mindful of the time I do have for myself and the things I do accomplish. (In that vein… you should see our craft closet since I attacked it yesterday. Everything is sorted, bins are labeled, and all the mismatched papers are in the recycle bin! I am leaving the closet doors open just so I can get a little thrill every time I walk by. I am trying very hard not to think of the two other closets that I really want to organize.)

So please share with me what struggles you have with stopping and caring for yourself. How have you gotten past any obstacles?

Here are all my blog posts related to my one little word – “mindful.”

Posted in Mindfulness, Motherhood, Photography | Tagged family, home, SAHM, self-care | 7 Comments

Self-care for the novice (me!)

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Naomi

We’ve talked all week about allowing ourselves to relax. Some of what I’ve been learning lately is sinking in… yesterday morning I woke up feeling tired and a little full from this past week’s many activities and I actually told myself to take it easy and let myself NOT get much done. This is a huge breakthrough for me because that is SO not my personality. I’m sure your supportive comments have helped me too because I would never be lazy without encouragement!

But it really does feel nice to give myself permission to while away some time without being “productive.” I’ve been breathing deeply more often and being genuinely appreciative of every day.

It is predicted that we’ll have rain all weekend, which I find very soothing. And the plants and seeds that I just put in the ground in our backyard garden will appreciate a nice long drink. I hope each of you has a lovely weekend. We’ll talk more next week about being nicer to ourselves… mainly because I need to focus on that. 🙂

Let the rain kiss you.

Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.

Let the rain sing you a lullaby.

~Langston Hughes

Posted in Mindfulness, Quotations | Tagged Langston Hughes, self-care | 8 Comments

What to do with empty time

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Naomi

Apologies for quoting Martha Beck yet again, but this article was hugely eye-opening for me. In it, she gives some advice detailing exactly what to do with any amount of found time so that you’re prepared to use it wisely and not fritter it away on little tasks that do not rejuvenate you at all.

I mostly have a minute or two here and there that I almost always spend looking at e-mails or reading blogs. Every so often, I’m going to try this instead:

If you have one minute…

Go limp. Settle into the most comfortable position possible. Inhale deeply, hold your breath a second or two, then relax your body — especially the muscles in your face — as you exhale. Become aware of any physical sensation you’re feeling. Your body will repay the gift of oxygen and relaxation by becoming calmer and more energetic.

If you have five minutes…

Forget everything. Jot down a quick to-do list, and let it be your “task memory” so you can let your mind roam free, like a toddler exploring a room. Patiently and non-judgementally, watch where you mind goes, what it says. Then go back to your to-do list. You’ll find that you feel as if you’ve had a brief but refreshing vacation.

If you have an hour…

Find a reason to laugh. Read a funny book; call your silliest friend. If you’re too stressed or sad to laugh, let yourself cry. Both behaviors release physical and emotional tension, connecting your mind, body, and circumstances. Laughter, in particular, has been shown to improve immune function, strengthen relationships, and brighten your mood in almost any situation.

If you have a free afternoon…

Disappear. Don’t call on the people you “should” visit. Don’t do the cleaning project that would make you the perfect homemaker. There will be time later for doing; this afternoon is for being. Roam your favorite places: shops, libraries, parks, country roads. Drink in all the beauty you find. Tell no one.

If you have a whole day…

Live it on purpose. Start by reminding yourself what you want your life to mean. Take one small step in the service of your purpose. Then give yourself a gift (a wind chime, a lipstick, a dance to your favorite song). This will remind you that receiving and giving are inseparable and put you in the zone where you simultaneously forget your ego and remember who you really are.