I’m kind of an all or nothing person. (I heard that! Was someone out there laughing?) W
hen I do something, I dive in and really get into it. Maybe you can go deeply into one or two things at a time, but each takes a great deal of mental and physical energy and loads of time. And you all know I’ve taken on quite a few things that, on their own, would be more than enough.
Every so often something will happen, as it does for this very reason I’m guessing, that causes me to take a huge (metaphorical) jump and view things from a higher perspective. Getting sick on vacation at the end of December did that for me. Thank goodness it didn’t take something more serious to get my attention.
I am remembering that now because I’ve been on such a “home cleansing” tear that I find myself doing it again! I am sort of obsessed with this project because it feels so good to simplify. It’s like I’m saving myself from hours and hours of future cleaning.
It’s been a frantic past few months with my daughter beginning kindergarten, her ongoing separation struggles, and my own self-imposed obligations. My to-do lists and calendar were needlessly insane, I see now.
Maybe every mom feels this way, but I think my own daughter takes an extra amount of “work” from me. She is intense, spirited, determined, and very fearful of leaving my side, along with lots of other things. The amount of patience I tap into each day has got to come from somewhere. My downfall was not only in doing too much but in not replenishing the supply when I had opportunities for reflection, rest, and renewal.
Coming out of a fever and those few days of inactivity not only showed me that it’s ok to rest, but that the flurry of activity that was “the Fall” was quite ridiculous. The energy spent on such frivolous actions… I will spare you.
I took on far too much and kept adding to it every day as if there was something very large at stake. Not only that, but the self-judgment was high and time for quiet and restoration was too low. A recipe for failure for sure.
I had not nurtured important friendships because of feeling depleted of time and energy. I had not given as much attention to my husband and daughter because of it. Perhaps most important, I had not allowed myself time to rest and play and be me. And this is SO not how I want it to be!
Coming out of the illness, I saw that the most important pieces of my life, my husband and daughter, my larger family and community groups, are beautifully surrounding me.
I’ve taken a few steps toward “decluttering” my schedule, like resigning from teaching Sunday School for next year, moving our Girl Scout troop meetings to once a month, and saying no to helping on projects or events that just don’t resonate with me. It has brought relief and much more peace of mind, which tells me I’m headed in the right direction.
I am humbly grateful to my body for alerting me that we cannot continue this way. Living at such a frantic pace and for so many months is not healthy. It’s not as if I’m defending the free world here. Surely I can take time to eat and rest and BREATHE life in instead of speeding through it, to really notice those people who are so important to me and enjoy those relationships.
I have kicked off a fresh start to a more balanced way of life… perhaps you have too. May it be a time for loving and appreciating those around us, ourselves most of all.
Please share how you keep your schedule in check… I’d love to know!
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