10Q: Reflect. React. Renew.

Every year around this time, I subject my husband (and now my daughter) to questions about the past year and what we envision for the coming year.  One year, when I had his undivided attention during a long drive, I even got my husband to help me map out some goals and a mission statement for our marriage.  It makes me smile now, but I was on to something!

Following some links, I came upon the coolest thing! It’s called 10Q, which stands for 10 Questions, is a national project that asks people to answer a question a day online for 10 days during the High Holidays.  It offers a new way to slow down and reflect. Answers are emailed to a secure online vault and next year, just before Rosh Hashanah starts, answers are sent back to participants and the whole process begins again.

I would love to know what I was thinking all those past years, but that’s lost now.  Going forward, I am definitely doing this.  I may even blog about it.

Register at DoYou10Q.com to follow and answer each day’s question for yourself (you certainly don’t have to be Jewish).  Each question has more information with it so you can learn more about each question’s Jewish background.

Q01. What’s a significant experience that has affected you over the past year? How did it affect you?

Q02. Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Or that you’re especially proud of?

Q03. Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?

Q04.Describe an event in the world that has impacted you this year.

Q05. Have you had any spiritual experiences this past year? “Spiritual” can include secular artistic, cultural, etc.

Q06. Describe one thing you’d like to achieve by this time next year? Why is this important to you?

Q07. How would you like to improve yourself, your life, next year? Any advice you received that could help?

Q08. Is there something (a person, a cause, an idea) that you want to investigate more fully next year?

Q09. What is a fear that you have & how has it limited you? How do you plan on overcoming it this year?

Q10. When you get your answers to your 10Q questions next year, what do you hope will be different about you?

Bonus: What are your predictions for next year?

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Be courageous… clear the clutter

“Have nothing in your home that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful.”
-William Morris, founder of the Arts and Crafts Movement

(Much of this post was inspired by Christine Kane and what she says about creating order.)

I spent a few hours of uninterrupted quiet in our new house this past weekend building my daughter’s playroom furniture.  I walked through the open rooms and tried to envision our furniture there and our clothes hanging in the closets.  The panic began.

I have been speedily packing up our apartment.  Speedily because I really have to do it while being with my daughter and we are hardly home these days.  So I pack up whatever room we happen to be in, leading us to a gargantuan mess.  It is nothing compared to the mess that our new home is about to become on Thursday, moving day.

We still have SO MUCH STUFF and it’s weighing me down.  I’ve been talking here about clearing clutter for months, right? But just because I keep reading great advice and just because I’ve already given so much away, does not mean that I am about to begin Chapter one of my airy, uncluttered life.

Christine says, “Getting rid of clutter is a big undertaking. It can be a spiritual process. It is an act of courage. It requires that you ask yourself your motivation for keeping each little thing you have. And in that process, you get to come face to face with all of your inner stuff. Not just your outer stuff. And when you’re holding onto stuff because of guilt or fear or any reason other than “this makes me happy and is useful” then you most likely don’t need that stuff. It just keeps you stuck in that emotion. It’s like saying, “Yes. I’m gonna give lots of power to this guilt.”

In one of Caroline Myss’s early lectures, she suggested that we consistently ask ourselves what is motivating us. What’s behind every action we take. When we do this, we become clear when we’re acting out of fear or negativity or control, etc. Use that same question with every item you pick up and sort through. “What’s my motivation for keeping this?”

[This comes into play for me mostly in the kitchen as I envision huge dinner parties or in my closet where I picture myself at fancy soirees or weekend picnics.  Neither happen much and yet I still keep all those platters and dresses.]

First I am going to take Christine’s advice and let go of anything that I’m keeping solely based on fear.  In essence, this is like saying to the universe, “Hey, I’m not going to fail. And even if I do, there will always be lots of great furniture for me!” And the universe will say yes because it always says yes.

This is huge for me: “I was holding onto tons of old books because I wanted to make sure when I had people over they’d know I was a reader. (If I know someone well enough to have her over, don’t you think she’d already know this?) I have already ripped off the band aid and sold or gave away some of my treasured books.  I thought I was good but then I remembered that we have so many boxes of books in storage, some of which I know of places for in the new house, but many more where I can’t imagine where I’m going to put them.  So that is going to be very challenging for me.

I need our home to be filled with things we love and use and nothing else.  I suppose this is “to be continued…”

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Revealing my vision board

I am so proud of the vision board that I created in my Path Finder class this past week.  We were instructed to start finding images in magazines or pictures that speak to us and inspire us in some way.  Karen asked us to take our stack of magazines, along with our Love List and our Light Words to a cozy spot (for me that is always my bed) and ask ourselves, “what do I want for myself for this coming 365 days?” as we look at all the ads and images.

The hardest part for me was turning off my judgmental mind enough to just tear out words and images regardless of what they look like.  Karen said the selection is not an intellectual exercise, but rather an emotional one.  Second most difficult for me was finding the time to actually complete this.  I spent an hour one evening, then another the next evening, grabbing snippets of time here and there because this was a priority for me.  I envisioned it hanging in the office/creative room of our new house to inspire me all year long.  It took about 7 hours total.

Vision boards are examples of the Law of Attraction, a theory which states that if you think positively, positive things will automatically happen.  I think the creation of one is definitely a meditative process and I learned a great deal about myself in the making of this one.  Karen said “I believe that when you focus and concentrate in a meditative way on what you want for yourself, while engaging your subconscious, you both subconsciously and consciously begin to work towards those goals.”

Our final task is to come up with one word that best describes what we want for ourselves for the coming year.  I am leaning toward CONNECT.  There’s really no place to put this on the board itself but maybe I’ll attach it above somehow.  I want to focus this year on connecting with people close to me, really listening to them.  Connecting with myself and what lights me up.   Connecting with my senses, emotions, with the now.  My favorite image on the board is on the lower left corner of the woman falling down in the snow and laughing.  She is connecting with nature and with her young child, letting herself enjoy the moment and have fun.  She is colorful, happy, lit up inside.  Maybe my word should be LIT UP? Hmm… off to the dictionary I go.

I used a 16×16 canvas and Mod Podge (both to adhere images to the canvas and as a sealant on top).  Here it is… I could look at it for hours.

Quotation2

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Improving every single day

Inspired by this post from The Simple Dollar, I want to try to better handle life’s challenges by trying to improve in 6 key areas every day.  I don’t think that I’d necessarily define a good day as having components of all of these, but when I think back to my favorite days, they do have more than a few of them.  Perhaps I could let it be more than accidental.

Emotional improvement – Am I content? What steps can I take that would make something better? What is causing my discomfort or tense mood?

Mental improvement – Focusing on calming stress, parenting in the moment, mindfulness, etc.

Physical improvement – I’ve got to be more active and continue to eat well and take care of my body so it will take care of me.

Spiritual improvement – I desire that feeling of connection to nature and the universe.  Who am I and what is my purpose? Quiet time helps.

Interpersonal improvement – I love telling friends how much they mean to me.  I love spreading joy and good feelings.  I have decided to focus more on friends that help me feel good.

Intellectual improvement – Learning, reading, crossword puzzles.  I wish I had more time for this.  I miss it.

I remember a grad school professor who drew up a pie chart for me with these areas, each having an equal piece.  She herself didn’t live as she prescribed and let’s face it, I was in grad school and studying/writing nonstop, but I look back on those days as very happy overall.  I had 2 or 3 very close, strong relationships; music was a very important part  of my spiritual growth; I was walking a ton and very active; I was working toward a goal (my Masters degree, trying to imagine my future, building independence); and it was almost all intellectual growth all the time.  And I didn’t even realize it.

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On beauty

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There are no accidents

Saturday’s mindfulness retreat is still very much on my mind, especially the teaching, “there are no coincidences and no accidents.” This has led to great peace for me all week.

It was helpful when someone cancelled some plans, which upon retrospect opened us up for something else.  It was even helpful in deciding which desk to buy.  (I read that one was made to coordinate with a particular set of shelves that I already have and that decided it for me.)  It was most useful when we learned that we won’t be closing on our home on Thursday as we had planned.  Instead of my usual nervousness and thoughts spiraling out of control, I remembered what Karen said and realized that there is another plan at work for us.

So I don’t have to pack up our apartment in two days, hang all those new shelves this week, and otherwise rush, rush, rush.  I have at least a week! We have 7 fewer days of paying rent AND a mortgage.  I love that I can let go of the anxious feeling of “I want to live there already!” Since I know that unpacking is going to be a gargantuan task, I’m in no hurry.

It brings such clarity to so many things.  Really, you could just decide that everything is as it is so why not accept it? Even traffic – maybe you aren’t meant to be somewhere yet.  This really helps me stay in the present moment and fully enjoy it since I’m not worrying about the future or constructing all these what-if scenarios in my mind.  Funny, nothing has changed except my mindset, and yet everything has changed!

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