Hineni. I am here.

Posted on September 29, 2011 by Naomi

Hineni. Here I am.
A little bit nervous, a little bit self conscious.
After all, whom am I talking to?
And what have I done?
Am I a sinner in search of grace
or a saint seeking salvation?
Am I so evil
or so good
as to warrant this season of introspection?
And yet here it is, and here I am:
this time of change and correction.
this heart of confusion and contrition.
Oh, if I could change!
If I could be so sure of myself
that I no longer had to imagine the sights of others;
to be so loving of myself
that I no longer had to ration my loving of others;
to be so bold with myself
that I no longer had to fear the bravery of others.
Oh, if I could change
there is so much I would change.
Maybe I will, but it scares me so.
Maybe I won’t and that should scare me more,
But it doesn’t.
So let me pray just this:
Let no one be put to shame because of me.
Wouldn’t that make this a wonderful year?
Hineni. Here I am.

Posted in Poetry, Spirituality | Tagged Hineni, Rabbi Rami Shapiro, Rosh Hashanah | Leave a comment

On abundance

Posted on September 28, 2011 by Naomi

After the first moving truck full of our apartment’s boxes and furniture was empty and made way for the second truck arriving from our storage units, I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, ready to see what was going to come down that ramp and into our new house. I was determined not to let anything inside that we don’t need.

Wow did it happen quickly! I stood in the doorway, sending a dresser to the master bedroom and books to the office, but countless boxes just couldn’t be processed as quickly as was needed. For about two hours, my jaw literally dropped more and more at all the ~~crap~~ possessions we have accumulated; enough to fill two storage units. I vacillated between amazement, shame, embarrassment, and speechlessness. If I didn’t know what something was, I relegated it to the garage to be sorted and donated or given away, and then just closed the door. As the movers put box after box in our playroom until we couldn’t even enter it, they asked, “you only have one child?”

I have already gone through my closet and given away 5 huge trash bags full of clothing. The playroom is overflowing with books and toys and art supplies, even after putting much aside for donations. And we have duplicates of so many things.

We all have a lot of things in our lives – people, places, possessions, ideas, moments, memories, skills, hobbies, and so on… more than enough to fill a lifetime. There’s always something else out there, but worrying and spending money on and obsessing over what could be just detracts from the abundance that you already have. I really do not want to buy one more thing for a long, long time. The best outcome from this experience is that last night, my husband and I watched as our daughter began going through her room, unprompted, picking out things to give away “to another girl who doesn’t have things.”

Posted in Home, Mindfulness | Tagged abundance, clutter, unpacking | Leave a comment

Hold still

Posted on September 27, 2011 by Naomi

“When the world feels a little topsy turvy…when the ground is shaking…when chaos is reigning…hold still.”

Read the complete message here. Thanks, Jo Anna!

Posted in Mindfulness, Quotations, Spirituality | Tagged Big Sparkly Life, Jo Anna Rothman, quotations, stillness | Leave a comment

Transitions

Posted on September 26, 2011 by Naomi

“Everybody wants to rush through transition like it’s a bad root canal. But transition is a threshold. It’s a sacred appointment—the crossing from one world to another. There are promises, insights, revelations, and messages during this time. You will not escape yourself here. You will not escape your deepest questions. This is a blessing.” ~ Tama Kieves

Sunday morning, I woke up in our new home and felt at peace. The softness of the plush new carpet under my feet was so comforting, as was the pale morning light streaming into our bedroom from behind our sheer curtains. Everything is working as it should – the appliances, the air conditioning, the alarm system. Finally, all three of us got a good night’s sleep and feel rested. Thanks enormously to my mom’s help, we are 90% unpacked and left with only a handful of boxes, so everything has a place and there is still ample unused space.

The above quotation resonates with me because I am face-to-face with my tendency to “get it all done right now” and have decided to let things be unorganized for awhile. I am letting myself walk past that pile of clothing that needs to be sorted or a stack of books that needs to be shelved. I know that there will always be something here to do and simply take each thing in stride, trusting that there will be time for each. I want to enjoy and fully focus on each task, so doing it in a rush just to get it done will not produce much joy for me. Most important, I must recognize that my body has limits. I have worked past the point of exhaustion for a few days now and ultimately had to respect my limitations and give in to them.

That unsettled feeling just has to stay for awhile, and that is ok. I would much rather pause to draw chalk flowers on the driveway with my daughter or to watch the gorgeous birds flutter around in the backyard than get to that box. It’s a choice… it’s practically a different choice each minute, and I am really trying to make the most meaningful use of my resources while still accomplishing something every day.

Posted in Home, Mindfulness, Quotations | Tagged mindfulness, Tama Kieves, unpacking | 1 Comment

Word of the year

Posted on September 23, 2011 by Naomi

After completing my vision board (see Monday’s post), I began searching for one word that would summarize what I would like for myself for the coming year. I looked up the word CONNECT and I didn’t really love the definitions. Thinking about “lit up” again, I looked up the word ILLUMINATE and I love it! Illuminate is my word of the year. My “mind map” is at the right.

il·lu·mi·nate

1. to supply or brighten with light; light up.

2. to make lucid or clear; throw light on (a subject).

3. to decorate with lights, as in celebration.

4. to enlighten, as with knowledge.

5. to make resplendent or illustrious: A smile illuminated her face.

I like the celebratory aspect of it. I really like the associations I can make between light and a positive, joyful mood. I love “to enlighten, as with knowledge” because I am always seeking to learn new things. Finally, I want to spend my time with things or people that make me light up inside. Woo hoo! I have a word!

Posted in Photography | Tagged creativity, goals, path finder, word of the year | Leave a comment

Excuses, excuses… clearing the clutter

Posted on September 22, 2011 by Naomi

Another excellent article by Christine Kane, “9 Seemingly Logical Excuses for Clinging to Clutter,” has me looking at my guilty feelings about all our stuff. –> This photo shows the system that I build for my daughter’s playroom in one attempt to contain all her toys. There’s also a little desk and chair for the little nook. My daughter could care less but looking at this makes me really happy.

P.S. Today is moving day!!!

1. “I spent so much on it.” Just because I made a bad decision and bought that dress/knife set/drawer unit does not mean it can stay so I can remind myself of that stupid purchase over and over and over again.

2. “I might need this someday.” We have two very large containers filled with cables, wires, telephone cords, a keyboard, old phones, extension cords, and all sorts of old stereo cords. I don’t know where they came from but I bet we could buy something if we really needed something.

3. “I might do this someday.” I think my needlepoint and cross stitch days are behind me. Or far ahead of me. Those supplies can go to someone who will use them.

4. “It looks good if people see that I have this.” I don’t think I’m guilty of this one.

5. “I don’t know where it goes.” A huge goal I have set for myself is to have a home for everything. If I don’t know where something belongs, it’s clutter.

6. “Things have energy?” I’m going to let go of anything that makes me feel bad or has negative memories attached to it.

7. “But I never wore it!” I am going to forgive myself and move on.

8. “There’s too much stuff.” So true… I don’t have to do this all at once. I’d go crazy. I’ll tackle a bit at a time so I don’t get too overwhelmed.

9. “I don’t know what I love or want.” Oh, but I do!!!