While 1+1 does in fact equal 2, it turns out that 1+1+1+1+1+… adds up slowly to way too much. I am referring to my scheduling problem of saying “sure” to far too many people. Sure, I’ll teach that class this year. OK, I’ll lead the music for that service. You need help with the school book fair? Sign me up… for three shifts while you’re at it. I’d love to chaperone the kindergarten field trip! Yes, I’ll find a babysitter to be able to attend the membership committee meeting. I definitely will donate white blood cells. How honored I am that you want me to take photos of your event. Of course I will be the Girl Scout troop leader. Why wouldn’t I?
Unfortunately, since it’s just the way math works, you soon have to start subtracting in order to make the equation work. I’d love to meet you for coffee and catch up, but I just can’t find a break in my schedule between writing lesson plans, voting, paying bills, and spending 3 hours at the blood bank. I can’t be on that phone conference because my daughter needs her flu shot and I signed up for that tap class and I need to finish this costume I am making for her for the school’s Halloween book character parade. I want to see you and meet your new baby but I have yoga class and a dentist appointment and my blog and I’m volunteering in my daughter’s classroom. And subtract spouse time, subtract the Sunday morning phone call with best friend, subtract craft time.
You’re the director of what organization asking me to be on what committee? You think we should form a book club? You want me to host what???
I definitely want to do it all and do it right now. I seem to be unable to let some things go and tackle them at another period of my life. I want to improve people’s lives, donate to every cause, teach children responsibility and service and values, spread joy and love and peacefulness. I want to support my hardworking and traveling husband by being an anchor at home. I am an idealist looking to motivate and inspire others. I want to experience new things and truly make a difference. But…
I feel weighed down with tasks and obligations. I miss my friends. I miss my down time. I miss my art. I am really getting tired of my loooooonnng to-do lists. I’m tired. In my fervor to do it all, I realize I’m doing nobody any favors if I’m exhausted. I’m not sure why I feel the need to fill up my calendar and my life with all these things. Am I afraid of stillness? Do I need to justify not having a paying job? Am I trying to prove something?
I realize how blessed I truly am. My family is healthy, my daughter is quickly learning to read right before my eyes, and we don’t struggle to pay the bills. I simply need to slow down in order to appreciate it more.
And yet, after abstaining for months on purpose, I have signed up for 2 more e-courses. I truly don’t know if this is a problem that I need professional help with or if I simply love life.
If ever I don’t show up to any of the above-mentioned commitments, I’ve probably run off to a spa indefinitely.
Once again, Brave Girls have gotten it exactly right. I must not be the only one…
Leave a Reply