Awakening

I’m definitely on the cusp of something mind-blowing. I can sense it.  Born out of self-protective struggle and a general sense of discontent, I am creating an internal space that is allowing myself to become more sensual.

First, practicing mindfulness is teaching me to focus on each task, one at a time, and fully immerse myself in what it is that I’m doing.  I notice that when I am not doing this, like when I’m holding my daughter, trying to eat lunch, scheduling an appointment on the phone, opening the gate for the lawn guy, hearing my iphone ding again and again with new emails, and listening to the dishwasher repair man (yes, all at the same time… I’m an excellent multi-tasker), I get a bit, um, frazzled.  So I’m cancelling appointments.  I’m trying not to overschedule.  When I’m drinking coffee, I focus on the taste, the heat, the feel of the cup in my hands.  I am slowing down on purpose.  Well, at least I’m trying to make life less difficult for myself.  If thoughts create reality, then I need to be still more and notice the beauty around me.

Second, I’m trying very hard to be more selfish.  Huh? Well, it dawned on me that I can’t give love unconditionally to others if I don’t have that same love for myself.   So I am beginning to consciously pay attention and be curious about my dislikes and pleasures, and listen to my heart and my body.  In short, I am going to be self-indulgent, bubble baths and all.

Of course I will begin slowly.  Step one: curiosity.  What deliciousness have I been missing by protecting myself so?

(Photos taken at Nemacolin Resort)