“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.” ~ Martha Graham
Somehow I got it wedged in my mind (probably filed away in between “perfectionism” and “unrealistic expectations”) that my creative time and efforts are valid only if I am making a profit from them. Partly this is due to comparing myself to already-established artists and teachers and partly it’s some internal definition of success that I need to let go of.
I’ve had three main creative goals for the past couple of years now. They weren’t written down anywhere, but were well-known to me and me alone.
- Exceed my expectations of what I’m capable of.
- Give other people joy and value.
- Make money from it.
So far I have achieved goal #1 for sure. Over the past two years, in taking all these e-courses, I’ve learned so much and had a blast. I absolutely love my creating time and never thought this would be my day-to-day.
I hear from family and friends that #2 is true (unless they are making that up to humor me).
#3 isn’t going so well, but I wonder why that’s important to me at all. Maybe it’s some kind of validation? Like, by buying my art, they are obviously saying they like it and want it? I’ve been doing some photo shoots and have sold a few photo prints on my fine art site, but not many card sales or anything from my Society 6 shop.
After struggling with this for quite some time, I am letting it go. I do not want to think about it any longer. I do not want to compare myself to friends or be jealous of professional artists.
I am simply going to trust that there is some other path for me right now. I derive great personal value in expressing myself through art, decorating my own home, and gifting little lovelies to friends and family. The Martha Graham quotation speaks to me deeply. I know for sure that each and every one of us has Light and Love and Goodness inside. Each of us has unique gifts to bring forth. Each of us has a path we are meant to travel.
Here are some new replacement goals:
- Learn new techniques through e-courses.
- Give myself, friends, and family joy and value.
- Enjoy the process.
I must not be ready for whatever I think I “should” have right now professionally, and so I will continue learning and playing for the intrinsic pleasure it brings me. I will try very hard not to judge myself and will remind myself over and over to simply let it go. Whew.
I was planning to have an Etsy shop opened by April 2013, and just wasn’t “feeling it,” and never made it happen. I go back and forth about whether to do it, because I have experienced similar feelings as you, that somehow my art and crafting “matter” more if people are willing to buy the results of my efforts. But really I just like making things to make them! I would love for other people to love them too, but not having any sales would be pretty hard on my ego. I can truly understand your desire to “let go,” because I think I would (and will) feel the same way.
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Since I decided to let go, it’s been surprisingly freeing! I thought I would struggle with it more, but I seem to have completely forgotten that feeling of needing to sell something. I think my time is meant to be spent learning, either art or something completely different. We’ll see! It’s actually rather exciting!
Letting go….. a few of my favorite words:)
And so much thanks for this nourishing share.
It reminds me of the movie “Neverland”,
when the theatre director (Dustin Hoffman)
says to Barrie (Johnny Depp)
“The critics, they made it important. Remember,
it’s called a PLAY.”
I loved that and love this post.
And you….so grateful for all the ways
you’ve made my life lighter and brighter
this year. Thank you:)
-Jennifer
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I really must watch that movie. Sounds wonderful. I feel infinitely the same toward you, my friend. You have been such a strong supporter of me for years. Love to you and yours!
Hey Girlfriend.
I loved the energy in your post.
Yes, you have gifted yourself with the opportunity to expand and grow as a writer, artist, and so much more. And, by doing so, YOU are an incredible gift to so many people.
I love #3. One of my current mantras is “Trust in the process”. I may change it to, “enjoy the process”. I love the energy of those 3 words.
It was great catching up. I have thoughts I’d love to share. Let’s plan for a phone call some time soon.
Love you, lots,
Eydie
Let’s talk soon. 🙂
I like “enjoy the process.” I’m going to hold onto that one for a few days to see if it will stick.
Another good one is (from Danielle LaPorte), “How do you want to feel?” If you start with the end feeling in mind, it DOES change your actions. Today, I want to feel rested and peaceful, so I’m tossing out half my to-do list for another day.
We are sooooooo in synch on this. Earlier in the year I came to exactly the same conclusion. I have tied the worth of what I create to people being willing to PAY for it. I’m going to use it to please myself from now on, and if I spread a little joy with it, that will be great. But I am no longer going to try to sell it. Now if someone ASKS me to make something for them for money, I may consider it. But I’m not going to be doing any marketing unless I accidentally come up with something that just blows people’s socks off, and the chances are NOT good that’s going to happen.
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This coming from someone who had a store, right? I remember you saying it was a conflicting feeling, going to the craft shows. 🙂 Good for you… good for us!
I am looking at a quote from Kurt Vonnegut posted in my cubicle. “Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow”. Trying to be more connected to my creativity seems to be linked to being more connected to my soul. I hope you will hang in there for the benefits to you and those touched by your art.
Beautifully said, Patti (and Kurt). I highly concur. I so enjoy the experience in itself and will focus more on that.
I forgot to tell you I just purchased three things from the Studio shop last week. Two are to be gifts and one for my living room! However, it’s good to see you letting go of “retail”. It really can get in the way of the fun!
Well how nice of you! Yes, I remember when you decided not to sell your baskets because it would take away the joy you had in making them.
it might also help to think of it more as an evolution than a letting go. you’re not giving something up entirely, but instead changing your current goals related to that something. you can always pick it up again, or you can go in a completely different direction. the other thing to consider is that often “professional” artists spend many years in obscurity and many additional years promoting themselves pretty heavily before they achieve any type of financial success or even a reputation. i feel like you consider your efforts to be a failure when in fact you’ve done pretty well just getting yourself out there. so yes, please go easy on yourself. 🙂
Quite right, my love. I cherish you so much.
#2 is definitely true for me, and I very nearly bought a tote bag and a small piece of framed art at Studio 6. But I couldn’t really justify the purchase in my own mind, and I resisted the temptation. One of my unwritten rules is to avoid waste. It sometimes keeps me from doing fun things, but more often it helps keep my life (and finances) running well. Being efficient also prevents a lot of pollution, which is a big value of mine. I think I grok your rule 3, there are so many reasons you could want it. I am happy for you that you don’t need it! It may yet happen, if you keep pushing. I stole those words from a song that expresses the spirit of my favorite band. They never really hit the big time until they released their 10th album, but they just refused to give up. They are regarded as over the hill today, but again, they refuse to give up, and keep on touring and releasing new recordings 40 years later. I guess I am urging you to be OK with wanting money, it does not in any way imply greed. But I agree, you don’t need to demand it of yourself.
I’m impressed that you stopped yourself, Susanna! I read something recently about being more of a go with the flow person… I could force it and push it to happen, or I can work with what comes naturally to me. I am terrible at tooting my own horn so I prefer to continue to quietly share here on the blog and get personal fulfillment from my art process itself. Thanks for commenting! I appreciate the story of your favorite band. 🙂