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The struggle to accept ourselves

Naomi

piece art“Feeling unworthy or insecure, we create a goal, in hopes that achieving this will make us feel good about ourselves.  Then we’re off scheming for success, preparing against failure, stirring the water, hoping it will go clear.” ~ Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have, “Stirring the Water”

This quotation is causing me to take a look at my motivations and priorities.  Why do we undertake something? What are we trying to feel?

We don’t have to be finished in order to be whole.

In other words, it’s completely ok to let something sit unfinished for awhile.  Or to decide to just let it go completely.   Why is this impossible for me? What am I afraid of?

Tell me, do you face these same questions?

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23 responses

  1. Amy Kathleen Kelsch

    Hi Naomi:
    I have such a tough time letting things sit unfinished- I get this itching need to complete it even when I know the final outcome would likely be better if I just rested and waited for further inspiration. This is a wonderful skill to learn. Thanks for the reminder!

    Reply
  2. jmeyersforeman

    Hi Naomi, the words and how we use them mark and shape us, I don’t think it is wrong to have goals and dreams and hope someday to have reach a level of satisfaction with our achievements, but I do think that we have to remember that it is the journey to those goals and dreams that is important, this is where our life lessons are learned. if we have no where to go, nothing to do or accomplish then what do we do, what do we learn? I think the lesson is to live each day, feel good about what we have done each day that has brought us closer to who or what we want to be. I hope your day has been a good one.

    Reply
  3. Susan

    This week I’ve practiced letting go of some of the goals–not the goals themselves but in the striving for them. I’ve found it to be amazingly freeing. As far as the end results, I’m finding myself floating towards them.

    It’s a much better feeling.

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      That does sound freeing! I’ll have to try that. It’s all about self-compassion for me. Take what I need from the project/class, let the rest fall away.

      Reply
  4. Kelly L McKenzie

    When I get bogged down and can’t seem to finish any project let alone one, I say to myself “do you want to get up and exercise?” The answer is almost always NO. That’s when I know I need to exercise. I have to. I throw myself out the door – either a dog walk or lately a zumba class. First five minutes are pure hell and then I start to enjoy myself. Almost always come back feeling ready to tackle at least one of the unfinished projects.

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      I bet that would help me too. I’ll try that. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Kelly.

      Reply
  5. Deborah Weber

    Wouldn’t it be wonderful and life-changing if we really truly accepted we’re perfect and whole and ever-evolving? And we trusted that if we attend to what lights us up it’s all good. No pushing, just flowing. That’s my hope for all of us.

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      I quite agree and yes, that would be absolutely delightful.

      Reply
  6. Kelli Spencer

    If you were to see my house, you’d know it does not bother me to just let some things go. Laughing….many people come here with the expection of seeing our remodeling projects we have underway completed. But then to us it doesn’t matter to have them completed in such a hurry, because my husband and I have learned there needs to be fun in all thing within your day. So, we usually follow our hearts throughout the day, bringing finished results to some things and others not so much. I’ve learned to live with the motto….It’s All Good.. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      I admire you so much for that, Kelli. For some reason, I equate self-worth with productivity. I’m going to try to think of you during my day and give myself some leeway and rest. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Janet

    Naomi, I love your art piece in this post. And Mark Nepo’s book. Re your questions . . . yes, I can be very goal-oriented. My intention is to be aligned with Divine Order and Divine Timing . . . remembering that lets me leave projects unfinished with greater ease. And I do enjoy completed projects. Happiness to you on your journey of being yourself. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      Thanks, Janet. Divine Timing… I like that! Who am I to interfere with that???

      Reply
  8. Debbie Goode

    It is difficult to ‘let go’…I think we are taught from an early age to ‘finish what we start’. As we grow and change so do our goals our dreams and desires….I’m learning to let go of those things and move forward…

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      You’re right. Our society is definitely a “get ‘r done” one. Letting go can feel so right. Thanks for coming over and for your comment.

      Reply
  9. Karen Main

    After reading Danielle LaPorte’s book Desire Map I realised that I often set a goal and then hoped like crazy I felt good when I achieved it. Desire Map flips this around and asks you to consider how you want to feel and then design you life around feeling this way. I desire feeling fabulous and some days that comes about from yoga and other days it is a relaxing photo walk or a long bath, I never give up on the feeling, it is the tasks that vary.

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      I’ve been trying to remember Danielle Laporte’s technique too. I almost always forget in the moment, but I do think about it most mornings when thinking about the day ahead. I have got to let go of the guilt I feel when I am out of balance. Thank you so much for your reminders!

      Reply
  10. Harmony Harrison

    Sometimes I wonder when to accept something as finished, when I could fiddle with it forever. Paintings, poems, stories — all can be overworked to the point where they lose their magic. My challenge comes in listening to the little voice inside me that says, “Pause, wait, let it sit.” When I do that, I often find that the work is already complete. For some reason, though, listening to that voice in that moment is hard. I think I’ll give myself permission to pay more attention to it in the future.

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      Excellent point, Harmony. I’m learning to trust that instinct too. Thank you for your corollary with art – THAT I can understand!

      Reply
  11. Cheryl

    Naomi I know from whence you speak…I used to be like that also…and I still have a tiny bit of that left in me…but really there are a few good things about aging and letting go of all the expectations is one of them…so freeing…
    You’ll get there…

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      Thanks, Cheryl. I can feel the release more and more every day. 🙂

      Reply
  12. Susanna Gross

    I think I often set a goal for myself for somewhat irrational reasons, thinking it will somehow solve everything if I attain it. Quite a few years ago we had the major goal of getting our off-the-grid house built. We have attained that, and now my husband lives here full time, but I still travel back to the city for my job. Reaching the goal isn’t satisfying forever, it eventually becomes quite ordinary, and then you have to set another goal for yourself, to re-gain that focus which is part of what makes a goal rewarding. It is emotionally difficult to give up a goal, I agree. I try not to set any goals I cannot attain, in an attempt to avoid that pain, but it would be even better to be as flexible, as you suggest.

    Reply
    1. Naomi

      Yeah, I forgot about the let-down once you reach a goal. Recognizing that for what it is and accepting it is tough inner work too.

      Reply
  13. Debbie

    I adore The Book of Awakening! Love your quote and featured art. I struggle with not arriving at the finish line (recall our exchange on my fail to finish the online Gifts of Imperfection class?! But as you wisely said, maybe I just took what I needed!

    Reply

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