38 lessons from these 38 years

(A work in progress. I love this quotation from e.e. cummings: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”)

“Today is your day of all days… Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Seuss

Today is my birthday. ( I share the day with Walt Whitman, my favorite poet. Just telling you in case you are as excited by this as I am.) As on any big anniversary, I find myself getting reflective.

This year, it’s actually taken other people (mostly my daughter, who is so excited about cake) to remind me that it’s coming up… for some reason, I kept forgetting! To try and keep it top of mind, I started thinking up this list of life lessons that I’ve accrued along the way. In no particular order, they are:

1. It’s getting a bit too late in the journey to be fighting my basic temperament. I am who I am and that’s going to be ok by me. I don’t like crowds and noise. I prefer one-on-one chats to large parties. I require 9 hours of sleep every night (not that I get it very often). Knowing and honoring who I am is freeing.
2. It feels really really good to give authentically. Somehow, being myself or creating something from the heart helps other people too. (Created for my mom. See post here.)
3. The only person you can control with any success is yourself. Every change in my family, my community, or on a global level begins with one person. And I just recently discovered that a tiny shift within myself could affect every relationship I have for the better.
4. I am not a perfect mother. I get overwhelmed with the messes and the endless talking and the constant company. But I need to give myself credit for all the things I am doing right with my daughter. I’m in the trenches every day with patience, love and energy. What I’m doing matters deeply.
5. Parenting is a journey and a tough one at that. I can exhaust myself giving, making, wiping, problem solving, bathing, worrying, etc. There are good days and bad; phases and growth cycles. I am in it for the long haul and so my perspective has changed. When I approach it from the perspective of admiration and wonder at this little person and all she is capable of, I have so much more fun. So many people have told me to appreciate this time because they miss their own children’s early years.(Splatter paint art with my daughter.)
6. Beginning the day with an intention of what I want it to look like works ever so much better than just winging it.
7. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep creating. Keep journaling. Keep reading. Keep searching. Sometimes individual actions don’t make sense but someday, I think it will all come together.
8. A single act of kindness can spread fast and far.(Giving out pennies at a fountain. See post here.)
9. Creating a quiet and calm life takes intention but is a reward in itself. Because I have so much on my plate right now, my focus and circle of awareness has narrowed. I check in with Facebook less, read the news less, and get out less.
10. Date the sexy guy from your philosophy class, but marry the friend who makes sure you got home safely. Marrying my sweet husband is still the best decision I have ever made.
11. Rest is mandatory. I always think I can keep going and do just one more thing before I stop. I absolutely need to honor myself and my limitations and ease my mind and just BE. By taking care of myself, I am allowing myself to be happier and healthier.
12. Change is constant. I finally learned this one through my daughter. Just when I understand one phase, along comes another.
13. I am a judgmental person and I’m working on it. When someone rubs me the wrong way, I get so caught up in it that I obsess into a swirling ball of anger. It turns out that only hinders me. Letting go of that anger is the first step toward inner calm.
14. Sometimes I need another perspective to sort out my thoughts. Recognizing that I am in a funk and need to call a friend or talk with my husband makes a huge difference.
15. Most of my fear comes from overestimating how tough a task is going to be. Having overcome this time and time again, I try to remind myself that it’s going to be easier than I think and that I’ll be glad I did it.
16. Be willing to try new things. Who knew I would love photography? or painting? That one online writing class led to creating a blog which led to so many more wonderful aspects of my life. Trying something new is the key.
17. I am not in control and I don’t even want to be. When I started to think of myself as a soul that has been “here” for longer than I can imagine, each experience becomes something that my soul needs to learn. I must let the universe teach me and use me as it wishes.
18. I am not alone. Thanks to this virtual world, a comment sent out almost always hears a “me too” echo.
19. Sharing what brings me joy or sharing something difficult almost always helps. I’ve read some friends’ confessions on their blogs and seen the overwhelming support that washes back to them. Unburdening a story or an experience to a close friend can be freeing and can make us stronger.
20. Stop searching for success. If it is meant to be, it will find me. After taking a few classes on running a business and getting your name out there, I have decided to simply trust that the people who need to see my blog or my artwork or photography will do so. I don’t feel the need to have thousands of followers. I feel successful when any one of you comments that something I wrote is meaningful to you.
21. When we approach a situation, a day, a relationship from a sense of lack, almost everything looks negative. Using the perspective of abundance, we find gifts and joy. I just learned this in an online group and I love it!
22. People who I think of as “famous” and beyond caring about my thoughts are just as insecure, obsessive, and nervous as I can be.
23. You are enough. Just the way you are.
24. I can do anything but I can’t do everything. Keeping my expectations in check helps so much.
25. No matter what advice someone gives you, what your spouse wants, or what a friend advises you, do what’s best for YOU.
26. Stop trying to control everything. Let it go.
27. Packing your weekends with activity after activity doesn’t make the days much easier. It can make you feel stressful and hectic.
28. Talk to yourself as if you were counseling a dear friend. We often don’t give ourselves the patience and generosity that we would give to someone else.
29. The universe regularly sends us messages. Our job is to tune in.
30. Sometimes it’s when you stop pushing, waiting, or doing that something happens. If you’re not sure what to do next, try stopping. Just do one tiny thing. Then do another. See what happens.
31. Some things you can fix. Some things you can’t.
32. A day of sadness does not equal another episode of depression.
33. Happiness is a frame of mind. It has little or nothing to do with your life circumstances or events.
34. Preparation is most of the battle. Whether it’s a photo shoot, a picnic, or giving a speech, planning ahead and/or rehearsing makes for almost flawless situations. Not always, but most of the time.
35. Notice the details.
36. Situations and people arise to teach us something we haven’t learned yet. (I am still flushing this out so don’t ask me about it yet!)
37. Very few trips to Target end without spending $100, even if all I went in for was gum.
38. I need this space. This blog, now two and a half years old, has guided my growth in so many ways. I pour my best self into my posts and I feel such joy in interacting with you in the comments. I thank you wholeheartedly for being here.

(Wordle of this blog)

Next year I hope to tell you that I’ve learned to stop comparing myself to others, to conquer fear of success, and to be gentler with myself.

I still feel (and look) very young and that there is so much ahead of me. I want to enjoy my family, travel extensively (see my life list), explore my newfound art hobby, and soak up all the joy still to come. Thanks for reading!