I came across this quote from Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, a few months ago, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since. “At the deepest level, the creative process and the healing process arise from a single source. When you are an artist, you are a healer; a wordless trust of the same mystery is the foundation of your work and its integrity.”
During my adolescence and early adulthood, I had ups and downs with depression. Sometimes it was a quiet sadness. Other times it manifested itself in angry tears. In high school, I could mold myself to fit in with all the groups and be a friend to everyone, but I didn’t really fit in anywhere. I excelled in school because it was a distraction from the building pain inside. There weren’t blogs then to show me how “normal” this was and I couldn’t just run a Google search to find a healthy an outlet for my pain.
Much of my sadness was lack of direction. I could sense no real purpose when I thought of my future and I felt completely stuck. I have always had large dreams and those, in contrast to my everyday life, felt unattainable. Besides medication and self-care, it has always been through creative outlets that I have felt healing.
I’ve thought about the connection between creativity and depression so much over the years, reading about artists’ experiences and noting my own. Many artists are extra sensitive to stimuli and notice feelings, textures, and expressions that may pass others right by (HSP anyone??). The basic need to create comes out of that noticing, I think. For me, it is a means of expression and a release of those painful or lonely experiences. It is a way of forming something tangible when so much within is not. It is a healing of my own hurts.
Pain can manifest itself into poetry, art, music, writing. These mediums bring the blur of life back into focus. They bring purpose, catharsis, and meaning. And there is an instant knowing for me when I read David Foster Wallace’s essays or a poem that echoes the longing I sometimes feel within. Much of my own depressive episodes are lost to me now… I simply can’t remember so much of those times. But I’m still the same person and so I feel an obligation, as well as a need, to tap into that sensitive, creative source within and sprinkle whatever I find there onto my art canvases.
Now I am coming from a perspective of happiness when creating my art. The tunes are on, the windows are open, and I am fulfilled.
I’m curious about your experience and ideas on the connection between creativity and depression (or any illness really). Share your thoughts below.
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