I’m not sure what happened to the month! I have been busy and my mind has been elsewhere, I guess. This month I have for you a couple of parenting books, which were quite informative but also stressed me out, two fluff novels, and two serious yet enjoyable reads.
I have the VERY BEST news to share with you: my October book report will be late. How is that good? BECAUSE WE ARE MOVING INTO OUR NEW HOME WITHIN THE MONTH!! How about we plan to do one large review for October, November, and December? So much will be happening in those three months that I hope I can get any reading in.
In addition to these books, I’m reading a few with my daughter that we are enjoying: The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Riddle of Ages by Trenton Lee Stewart and The Magic Misfits: The Minor Third by Neil Patrick Harris, both of which I’m thrilled that Sweet Girl was excited to read the very day they were published, and Out of My Mind by Sharon M. Draper and Blood on the River: James Town, 1607 by Elisa Carbone, both of which she is reading for school and I’m keeping pace so we can discuss them. #motheroftheyear
Please also share what you are reading lately!
The Unbreakables: A Novel by Lisa Barr
This one is a quick read and a good story, but completely unbelievable and full of clichés. Kind of a soap opera of a book. Cheating husband, friend, and daughter. Pregnancy scare. Various affairs. Please.
One good aspect: the main character is a sculptor and I resonated with her need to create.
“The exactness, the knowing, comes from years of practice. Never mind that I’ve been in hibernation. I then grab a finer-toothed chisel to model the form, removing the stone and debris quickly and efficiently. I inhale the familiar powdery scent of the dust particles and I’m intoxicated. Using the rasp with its sharklike tiny teeth, I grind it into the stone with my entire body. Sculpting is not about technique; it’s about losing your ego, refining, and flowing with the demands of the stone.”
Mrs. Lincoln’s Dressmaker: A Novel by Jennifer Chiaverini
A peek into the time of the Civil War as seen through an upright and loyal seamstress who was a great friend to Mary Lincoln. Chiaverini always helps make history come alive for me.
“As the girls, eyes shining, assured their mother that they did indeed see, Elizabeth gazed at the dark, proud, eager faces of the colored soldiers and felt her throat constricting with emotion. Their splendid uniforms, the rousing music, the bold and steady marching, the cheering crowd—in that glorious moment it seemed to Elizabeth that there might be no limit to what the people of her race could accomplish in the years to come, unhindered by slavery, when peace reigned over a nation united once again.”
Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour
This is a handbook into the teenage brain! First of all, I can’t believe I’m at a point where it’s time to read this. My daughter has definitely started behaving inconsistently and attempting to separate from childhood. Second, I am stunned at how much developmental ground a teenager covers. So much of teenage behavior is normal and is even evidence of forward progress.
Damour describes the 7 patterns of teenage development. These developmental strands make plain the specific achievements that transform girls into thriving adults. Even better, every chapter ends with a “When to Worry” section. She addresses such topics as the importance of her tribe, how to respond to eye-rolling, how to help with normal anxiety, and how to maintain a connection.
“Knowing that you can serve as a reliable, safe base allows your daughter to venture out into the world; having the strength to stay in place when your daughter clings to and rejects you in short order usually requires the loving support of adult allies.”
The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine PhD
This is a fascinating book. Levine’s premise is that if we understand our children’s capacities and challenges at different stages of development, we will be better parents and better able to encourage their healthy sense of self. Unfortunately, there have been rising numbers of depression, anxiety disorders, and substance abuse in adolescents, especially in affluent communities, ones that seem to emphasize “individualism, perfection, accomplishment, competition, and materialism, while giving short shrift to more prosocial values such as cooperation, altruism, and philanthropy.”
First Levine explains how overprotective, intrusive parenting can diminish a child’s sense of efficacy and autonomy. Of course a child would become hesitant to be active in the world or try new challenges if the parent portrays it as dangerous. Many teens in the book’s case studies complain of being too “pressured, misunderstood, anxious, angry, sad, and empty.”
One of the most interesting aspect to me is that these teens don’t seem to know themselves very well. “They lack practical skills for navigating out in the world; they can be easily frustrated or impulsive; their parents are typically in a frenzy of worry and overinvolvement.” It can be well-intentioned but damaging nonetheless.
“Internal motivation is the generator that propels children to figure out their particular interests, abilities, and passions. Internal motivation is not tied to rewards; it is what drives kids to engage in activities that are satisfying for their own sake. It is the basis of all true learning. They need to see that their parents value effort, curiosity, and intellectual courage.”
I’ve vowed to sit back more and enjoy my daughter’s interests, the ones she pursues regardless of our thoughts or ideas. If we support those, who knows where they may lead. If anything, it’s helping her to develop her sense of self.
“Adolescents need tremendous support as they go about the task of figuring out their identities, their future selves. Too often what they get is intrusion. Intrusion and support are two fundamentally different processes: support is about the needs of the child, intrusion is about the needs of the parent.”
“Parents help their children develop self-management skills by setting limits, modeling self-control, and being clear about the value of tolerating frustration, delaying gratification, and controlling impulses.”
This (below) has been something I’ve been working on for awhile now. I think we are both making large strides in self-management.
“Parents who have difficulty tolerating their child’s distress, who are quick to step in and take over, hamper their child’s ability to continue climbing. Kids who have not had repeated experiences of finding ways to manage frustration may give the appearance of moving forward, but they have not accumulated the necessary self-management skills of self-control, perseverance, frustration tolerance, and anxiety management that will allow them to address the more complex challenges they will encounter as they climb higher.“
We Love Anderson Cooper: Short Stories by R.L. Maizes
This is a profound and deeply touching group of stories focused on the point of view of the outsider. I was stunned at how much each story got under my skin. Highly recommend.
Confronting Hate: The Untold Story of the Rabbi Who Stood Up for Human Rights, Racial Justice, and Religious Reconciliation by Deborah Hart Strober and Gerald S. Strober
Rabbi Tanenbaum brought about much social and political change in his many roles as writer, publisher, religious leader, and public advocate, but most especially as director of the American Jewish Committee’s Department of Interreligious Affairs after he realized that his true calling lay in ecumenical outreach. He worked tirelessly, bringing together people of diverse beliefs, addressing anti-Semitism in Christian education, Soviet Jewry, and even learned from and worked alongside Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. In fact, he was the person who introduced Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rabbi Heschel at the beginning of the Civil Rights movement! Rabbi Tanenbaum lived his life with actions that showed his strong sense of responsibility for correcting injustice everywhere.
