I am filled to the brim with excitement… I have a guest post on Kind Over Matter today!
She slides her adorable painted toes into the ornate plastic shoes with heels and bows. On her 4-year-old head is a sparkly tiara. Her tiny hands are adorned with rings and bracelets. She declares confidently, “I am Cinderella and I’m going to the ball tonight.”
My sweet girl has finally gotten the princess bug… I suppose it was only a matter of time. That’s her in the photo above in her tap shoes and new Cinderella shirt (which she insists on wearing day and night). Many of her friends have known all the movies backwards and forwards for years, dressing up as the princesses for Halloween or birthday parties. At our house, we do watch a little TV, but it’s mostly been Nick Jr. programs. I liked it better when she wanted to be a doctor or a smoothie maker.
And so my sweet girl urgently wants to know who all these lovely ladies are. What are their names, what do they wear, what do they like, when can we get their movies and when can we get on a plane and meet them in person??? I guess she’s like her momma in that once she gets something in her head, there’s no stopping her. So we’ve watched a couple movies, but she isn’t really that interested. Mostly we read stories about them and watch some YouTube clips of the slower songs at bedtime.
Like a moth to a flame, she can sense where this stuff is in a store and goes right to it.
I’m fine with all this. Really. At least we waited until she discovered them on her own. She still has no idea who Barbie is with her thick makeup and proportions all wrong. So it’s fine.
But here’s what I want her to know:
- You will always be complete just as you are. You don’t need a fairy godmother to come along and transform you into something you are not. Your eyes already sparkle with beauty and truth and you already radiate happiness as you dance around the house in your little tap shoes. Rarely (if ever) will your survival depend on your physical beauty. Why kill yourself wearing high heels and uncomfortable gowns? No amount of external change can alter your insides… and your insides are beautiful. Let them love who you are on the inside.
- These princesses do not write books, sway courtrooms, or lead teams to victory. They largely stay home and passively wait for “success” to find them, all while looking pretty. Sure, someday a prince may come and you may want to share your life with him. Until then (and before then and after then), live a full life. Follow your dreams, pursue your interests, learn how to do things by yourself. You don’t need a cute guy with a flying carpet… get an education and make your dreams happen.
- Just like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, do not be afraid to look beneath the surface in people. However, the way a person treats others is a good indication of how he/she will treat you.
- Notice how these women stand up tall, eyes open and bodies confident. They have the same spark of life that you have. They are sometimes frightened but largely undaunted by change or adventure. They have a sense of humor. They go after what they want (though what they want seems questionable to me). While single, they are not submissive or overly-reliant on anyone. Imagine if they truly tried to use their gifts to improve the world around them…
- There’s no place (that I know of) where life is a continual stream of enchantment and happy-ever-afters. Most people have to work hard to achieve success. Mommy and Daddy have to work on our marriage – we don’t sing ballads and swoon over each other (but wouldn’t that be lovely?). Even though we pay someone to help us clean our kitchen and bathrooms, we don’t think of ourselves as better than that person. All people’s lives involve some form of struggle or unhappiness.
- Do not abandon your principles, your friends, your family, or yourself for any one person. I learned this one the hard way.
Sweet girl, I can see that you are trying to grow up and find your own identity outside of your parents. We applaud that independence. But there are many, many steps between preschool and marriage! I much prefer it when you play “grocery store” or “bank.” You can take control of your future in other ways than through artificial gender roles and archaic views of ethnicity, race, and class.
If you call home someday and tell me that a prince came along and swept you off your feet, I may have some questions for you. 🙂
I found this humorous look at the princesses here.
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