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February and March reads

Posted on April 1, 2024 by Naomi

I’m sorry that there are so many books here, but you’re sure to find at least one you want to read! My favorites are Annie Bot and The Humans.

Amelia’s Shadow by Marie Benedict — This is part of a collection of short stories about trailblazing women. Pilot and best friend of Amelia Earhart, Ruth defies conventions of her era.

The Postcard by Anne Berest — Recommend. A friend recommended this one and it was excellent. An investigation into family secrets from the Holocaust and a good story about family relationships.

The Good Part by Sophie Cousens — 26-year-old girl wishes to fast-forward to “the good part” of her life and wakes up at 42. A lovely story about drawing meaning from every day.

Matters of Life and Death: A Jewish Approach to Modern Medical Ethics by Elliot Dorff — Read for Bioethics class – a little outdated but helpful.

Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things by Adam Grant — Recommend. I read somewhere that Grant overcame his shyness and has become a motivational speaker. He tells stories about what makes people successful – all about character and opportunity to accomplish great things.

For the Sake of Heaven and Earth: The New Encounter between Judaism and Christianity by Irving Greenberg — Also for Pluralism course, and read out of curiosity because I’ve read a good amount of Yitz Greenberg’s work and have seen him speak a few times, mainly about his Holocaust theology on the stages of Covenant. A very approachable background to his lifetime of work on Christian/Jewish relations.

The Humans by Matt Haig — Definitely recommend. A visitor from a planet where everyone is eternal, yet unfeeling, arrives on earth to eliminate a mathematician who has solved a crucial theory. Assuming the appearance of this man, living with his family and bonding with his friends, he comes to understand human imperfection and love. A great examination of human emotion.

Judaism is About Love: Recovering the Heart of Jewish Life by Shai Held — Another that I was waiting for anxiously because it seemed that so many people got to read advanced copies. Many believe Christianity is about love and Judaism is about responsibility and law. Wrong! This deep dive into Judaism examines love as a code of action, as a way of seeing each other, and as emulating God, and it also gives thorough examination of many philosophers and theologians, both modern and from history.

Annie Bot by Sierra Greer — Highly recommend. Wow. Science fiction, but a very real story about what makes us human and what should be the limitation of technology. I read it in 2 days.

People of the Book: Canon, Meaning, and Authority by Moshe Halbertal — What makes a text part of a canon? How is it inclusive or exclusive of tradition in a text-centered community? Where does its meaning, authority, and value come from?

Who Are the Jews – And Who Can We Become? by Donniel Hartman — I’m a huge Donniel Hartman fan and a Shalom Hartman Institute admirer, so I read this on its publication day. Both build bridges between the denominational tribalism in American Judaism, as well as between diasporic Jews and Israel. His analogy of Genesis and Exodus Judaisms has been very helpful in my Pluralism course.

Piglet by Lottie Hazell — Planning a wedding when she learns of her fiancé’s betrayal, it takes our protagonist quite a while to wake up and realize that she deserves more… all told through her love of food. Rather strange, but affirming.

A Cat Named Darwin: Embracing the Bond Between Man and Pet by William Jordan — A man reluctantly adopts a stray cat and falls in love, leading him toward new revelations about life and love, vulnerability and interrelationship.

Through the Door of Life: A Jewish Journey between Genders by Joy Ladin — Highly recommend. I read this as background for a discussion of transgender in my recent bioethics course. This is an honest look into what one person struggled with as she becomes who she was meant to be, matching outsides with insides, and the lessons and hardships learned along the way.

Studies in Judaism and Pluralism: Honoring the 60th Anniversary of The Academy for Jewish Religion by Leonard Levin, editor — I really like the essays in this book. It was put together by my teacher for a mandatory course. The essays contemplate various theories of and experiences with pluralism in educational settings, congregational life, prayer, diversity in today’s world… it’s all about crossing boundaries and accepting and respecting differences.

Blank by Zibby Owens — I’ve been following Zibby Owens and her new publishing house, Zibby Books, as well as her podcast Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books. This is her first novel about the life of a struggling author who ultimately publishes a book with no words, just to see what happens.

True West: Myth and Mending on the Far Side of America by Betsy Gaines Quammen — I’ll read anything about debunking myths, especially within America.

After Annie by Anna Quindlen — How a family, especially a young daughter, cope and evolve after the loss of their wife and mother. A true exploration of loss and grieving.

Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos — Well-written novel of self-discovery and unlikely bonds. It spoke to my heart, but many reviews are not as favorable.

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Signs of growth

Posted on March 22, 2024 by Naomi

To prepare for my annual “clergy formation” meeting last week, I pulled out my notes from the session a year ago and was blown away by how much I have changed. I am a little in awe of this process and I’m definitely grateful for the opportunity to see the growth in specific areas.

The general idea is to assess where you are in areas of Self, Intellectual, Pastoral, and Spiritual, identifying goals for future growth and potential obstacles to those goals, and finally, naming some middot (character traits) to work on.

I’ll start with Self.

On the airplane home from the AJR Intensive in New York almost two weeks ago already, I brainstormed all sorts of ways I could improve my home environment to maximize overall success. First, I decided to get my body moving more (and came home and found my FitBit and charged it). I have since reached out to the personal trainer I had a few years back and arranged to meet her twice a week. And along with exercise, I cut myself off from all the junk I’ve been eating. (That is just how I am… all or nothing.) I am taking advantage of whatever motivation I can find to see me through! This time it was me reflecting that I had the knowledge that some of our speakers had, but I would be too hesitant to give a presentation before the students and faculty because I dislike how I look right now. So healthy habits is #1. Along with that, I’ve been getting regular monthly massages to help with shoulder stress and even taking the occasional evening bath.

My innate curiosity has led me to many new explorations, one of which I will be embarking upon during the month of May – a course for future rabbis about facilitating difficult conversations. I also realized that I have new friendships that I am leaning on and loving. AJR has been good for finding like-minded people with whom I can have meaningful discussions, but even beyond that, I’m enjoying my Mussar friendships too. I have reconnected with a friend I enjoy being with and we have lunch every other month or so. I am being braver in sharing of myself, and that has only come back to me tenfold.

On a whim in December , I started a spreadsheet to compare the Israeli and the Palestinian narratives of the same events over the past 100 years. It quickly grew. It is remarkable how each side has different stories with different names for their various crisis points. I saw that both sides are seeking validation for their suffering, but neither will legitimize the other. I was actually trying to figure out a middle column between the two narratives, but stopped with little success. There are a variety of reasons the two-state solution has not happened, but the primary factor is the lack of will of Palestinian leaders. They want to eliminate the Jews more than they want statehood for themselves. “They” is probably 30% of the Arabs… but the other 70% do not have a voice right now due to oppression by their own “leadership.”

I really can go on and on about this, though honestly, I can’t have a conversation with many people anymore about post-October 7 Israel because I read so much about Israel every day. (The topic of the Intensive was “antisemitism” and I hate to say it, but I learned very little. I also believe that the main response to antisemitism is a strong and vibrant Jewish community. Who needs a seminar about that?) Anyway, a professor of mine who I’d sent an early version of my spreadsheet got quite excited about this project and encouraged me to flesh it out much more… it ended up being 14 pages in a very teeny-sized font. Not only that, but this trimester he has it on the curriculum for our class on Pluralism. I even created a presentation for the class that was well-received and one person asked me if I would give that same presentation as a lunch and learn for her congregation! Look where a little curiosity can get you!

Signs of Growth: Intellectual

It’s not surprising really that I have learned a great amount in a year. What does surprise me is the breadth of that learning. Last March, I said that my lack of Hebrew vocabulary was an obstacle. I am soon finishing my fourth trimester of Modern Hebrew and I will no longer be called a beginner. I’ve been waiting for this level-change for awhile! There are still four more trimesters of Hebrew ahead of me, but I can understand and speak it relatively well and I continue to learn more and more vocabulary. (BTW, did you know that the Hebrew Bible has 8,000 words; Modern Hebrew has 100,000 words, and English has 700,000 words – according to my teacher?)

AJR has a looooong list of “ritual skills” that we have to learn on our own with recordings and various resources and then be tested on. I tried doing it on my own, but it was only when I found a friend to go through them with me that I picked up some momentum. We determine what we will learn for each week and then meet to run it past each other. I am going to be testing on “Kabbalat Shabbat nusach” soon. (These are traditional melodies for prayers I had not heard before. Heck, there are prayers I’d not seen before. I have been attending the same rigid worship service for years and I am finally branching out to other places.) I love doing this and I’ve only just begun! Someday I’ll be able to tie tzitzit, lead five different versions of kiddush for various occasions, and tell you the components of a kosher ketubah, among many other things.

Another recent change is that my Mussar Torah study group that has met on Friday mornings for years decided to switch to studying the Haftarah reading each week. This is fantastic because I haven’t read any of them. We are accompanying them with a book of modern commentaries that is wonderful and leads to engaging discussion.

Speaking of working on my confidence…. My Master’s Thesis was quite an undertaking and I truly learned a vast amount of history about the Mussar movement and its schools of thought. I was talking to one person at dinner in New York about the general idea that each person has a spiritual curriculum, and I realized that all six people at the table were listening! It felt really good to have a sense of “expertise” about something. Apparently I am also overeducated on antisemitism too. A Gratz course I took about antisemitism and racism was extraordinary — so much new and relevant material to read and discuss! And I’ve read a lot recently as well.

Signs of Growth: Pastoral

I will share a secret with you that will no longer be one if Mr. B is still reading this. I’ve been accepted into a fully online certificate program for Aging and Palliative Care for Interfaith Clergy at Yeshiva University. I’ll be taking one class at a time until I’ve done all six, and it will take two years. Mr. B looks out for my time and energy levels and does not want me to get burned out, so he was against me doing this program right now. But honey…YU’s semesters are only 8 weeks; it’s asynchronous and mostly online discussion boards about our reading material. All good!). I have two friends in the program already. The first course will be “Coping With Loss” — kind of relevant at the moment… and always will be. Future courses will be Basics of Counseling; Philosophical Foundations of the Helping Professions; Social Gerontology; Palliative Care (Serious Illness); and Interfaith Perspectives on Aging. I think all of them sound interesting and useful. I will be doing some chaplaincy field work as part of my program.

AJR offers mini-courses in between trimesters, and someone who was recently ordained advised me to do as many of them as I could in order to accumulate requirements and credits quickly. A typical class during the trimester meets for 2.5 hours one day a week for 11-12 weeks (and Hebrew is twice a week). These shorter ones are four days in a row, 8am to 5pm, but then it’s over. It’s a very long time to be sitting in front of a computer learning, but the one I took was fascinating (and we had several breaks). “Psychopharmacology for Clergy” was jointly taught by a psychiatrist and AJR’s Director of the Cantorial program, who I adore for his sensitivity and kindness. I learned so much about how to help someone and their family who may be struggling with addiction, OCD, depression, sleep disorder, ADD, anxiety, etc. I know far more than I’ll ever need to know about medications and how they interact with our brain and nervous systems. The biology of it all is fascinating to me, but the emphasis on the course was to know about resources, counseling, and warning signs.

Signs of Growth: Spiritual

I started meeting monthly with a long-time friend who I asked to “accompany me” through this program as I learn and grow. He is someone I respect and who I can share what I’m learning and discovering about myself. He is working in a congregation and therefore current with what’s new and evolving in the Jewish community globally. Sometimes I can recommend a book or describe a speaker I got to hear, and he always has insights and thoughts about next steps for me.

In fact, in our most recent meeting, when I was just back from Intensive, I mentioned that many fellow students have a therapist they meet regularly with. I asked what he thought about that and he asked if I’d ever considered working with a coach… how cool is that!? (A therapist can help with past pain and trauma and help make sense of where you are today because of it; a coach starts with where you are now and sets goals for where and how you want to grow.) He gave me the name of a young (are 48-year-olds still young?) Jewish woman, I set up an initial session to meet her, and I loved her… we are going to be working together for the next six months! I cannot wait to see what comes of this. I am hoping to work on my low self-confidence level, among other things. Actually, this is probably a “Pastoral” area of growth, but we’ll leave it here.

Last trimester, I took a course called “Personal Theology” that I wasn’t looking forward to because I figured I already knew my own theology; I wanted to learn what other great thinkers believed! Well, I was wrong. I had no idea what I believed about Revelation, God, Israel, Jewish Peoplehood, and Eschatology until I read A LOT of theological modern thinkers and wrote the six reflection papers on each topic. I am so happy that I explored these concepts and now have a better grasp of my own beliefs. The process reminds me now of what Joan Didion wrote: “I write to know what I think.” So so true.

Goals for growth

Last year, I identified many areas for growth and I’m happy to say I’ve addressed them or am in the process of that. For the year ahead, I hope to grow spiritually by exploring prayer through music. I have had some huge aha moments about this and will be attending a communal song and worship retreat in May. Intellectually, I look forward to learning more liturgy. Pastorally, I’m looking forward to the upcoming “difficult conversations” program.

Obstacles to growth

Confidence (hence, the coach) and Imposter Syndrome, which means that I hardly feel worthy to be teaching anyone how to do anything or attending a songleading retreat. BUT… I’m putting myself in more practice situations. I recently gave a webinar on a small part of my MA thesis to facilitators in The Mussar Institute and many people emailed me that they want more… so during the intersession break between trimesters, I plan to make 8 30-minute audio recordings as a resource for the facilitator archive, which I think will be great fun. I saw the list beforehand of who had signed up to attend the webinar, and I kept thinking, “Who am I to be teaching rabbis or anyone about Mussar?” Imposter Syndrome comes to ruin my day! In the end, it was really good. I knew my facts were right, of course, so it was all in how I told the stories, and I guess my enthusiasm about the material came through. (Honestly, that is a teacher’s secret weapon, I think. If you are excited about something, it’s easy to share it with others.)

Another big step is coming up next week. During the trimester, classes are offered on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesdays. Each of those days has a lunchtime learning program of some kind (guest speaker, ritual skill presentation, a cantorial student doing a practica, student association meeting, etc.) and each afternoon, in between class blocks, there is a Minchah service. There are certain requirements that can only be met if 10 people are on screen, so truly I am contributing just by being there, and I’ve benefited from seeing a variety of styles and creative approaches to worship. Having attended them for 1.5 years now, I have been feeling a responsibility to do my part and lead one. The student responsible for finding leaders for this trimester has asked me and I had already been considering it. My ritual skills partner challenged me to Just Do It! And so I said yes. I have learned the traditional nusach and am ready to lead. Additionally, for Tachanun, a special set of prayers, one of which is “Guardian of Israel/Shomer Yisrael,” I’ve created a slide show to a special song about Israel that is popular on the radio (in Israel) right now, including many photos from my trip four years ago. I suspect it’s going to be meaningful. The entire thing has been a big deal for me, and I will truly celebrate after I lead the service for the first time. After this time doing it correctly, according to certain unspoken rules, I can then use any tunes I wish and play guitar, read poetry, etc.

Middot to work on

Menuchat HaNefesh/Equanimity – finding balance. (One thing I decided on that airplane trip from New York was to move my comfy reading chair from my office, where it really is blocking my bookshelves, to a corner in the art room. I also put most of my creative-themed books and some journals on a round rotating tower next to the chair… and a lamp behind it. I plan to do some free-writing/morning pages there to help me find that balance. There are some times of the month when my hormones lead me to be more emotional and those times usually involve low energy and various aches and pains. (I am striving to be able to do what I did recently for a class: I proactively wrote a paper 3 weeks early because I knew I wouldn’t have the mental stamina to write it when it was due – which was something I figured out by journaling about it.)

Last March, I said I hoped to address my frenetic pace and scattered attention. I was doing far too much: finishing my Masters program AND writing the thesis, taking AJR classes already, leading the Omer program, and the Passover seder at my house for 28 people, etc. This year there is no big project of any kind. My classes are manageable, the Omer program is significantly scaled back, and my brother-in-law will be leading the seder. Progress. (Another recently learned lesson: do not take three classes on one day. Ever again.)

Shvil Hazahav/Moderation – saying no, setting boundaries. For instance, I’m limiting myself to taking Hebrew and one other course during the summer trimester. Since I will also have the new Coping with Loss class, and the Omer program, I know I can’t take on more and still have time for family and travel and reading fiction.

* * * * *

If you don’t know yourself, you don’t know what you are capable of. I think this is the reason behind the clergy formation process. If you made it all the way here, I have to say I’m very impressed. I mostly wrote this for myself. 🙂

Posted in Writing | 1 Comment

The Whole Megillah

Posted on March 20, 2024 by Naomi

Have you ever had a moment where you noticed you weren’t being yourself? We humans have a need to be seen and recognized for who we are. Whenever I am suppressing my true self in order to fit in, I have to ask myself “what’s the point?”

I recently witnessed a heated exchange between two AJR students, and I’ll spare you the details, but one of them was clearly prioritizing being Black over being Jewish. Her very personhood is about experiencing the world through her racial identity. Then she’s a female, and then she’s Jewish. (This is not scientific in the slightest, and possibly there are other identities in this intersectionality, but it’s what I heard in their conversation.) I’ve been wondering about her ever since, about her past experiences and how she came to be who she is now. How was she different 5 or 10 years ago?

Saturday night and Sunday is the Jewish holiday of Purim. People wear costumes, have tons of fun, and we read the Book of Esther (twice traditionally). It’s gotten me thinking about two things: being authentic and being proud of who I am.

Generally the Purim story is about self-knowledge and discovery. Queen Esther originally hid her Jewish identity to assimilate into palace life and society, but ends up revealing her religion in order to save the Jewish people from Haman, the evil advisor to the king who wanted to kill all the Jews in Persia. Esther’s uncle Mordechai advises her, “Perhaps it was for this moment that you have been created.” (I always get a shiver right there at that line.) She is in the perfect position to save the lives of her people. In the end, Esther reestablishes a commandment-based community, advising gifts to the poor, etc.

There are obvious parallels between the Book of Esther and to the antisemitism of today and the October 7 massacre by Hamas. I would say those two evils, Haman and Hamas, only differ by one letter, but Hamas is actually an Arabic acronym for “Harakat al-Muqawama al-Islamiya” – The Islamic Resistance Movement. The tale is also a dig against present and future Diaspora Jews who have abandoned ritual and God and adopted the cultural norms of their surroundings. They are in physical and spiritual exile.

We have a few of those as well these days. The “Jewish left” has separated from the rest of the community. It was probably gradual, but it feels like it just happened. Jews who are so “progressive” (read: uneducated in modern Jewish history) that they call out Israel as an oppressor. I think our people are redefining the parameters of Jewishness based on who is loyal to Israel and who is not. (Being critical of Israel’s terrible government is not antisemitism, btw.) AJR has a few new students from other schools due to this issue. It’s natural to have a variety of forms of observance, but these are Jews who do not know who they really are in relation to their own culture, their surrounding culture, or their Creator. It was a problem in the Persian Empire and it remains a problem today. In moments of crisis, who are you? Are you with us or against us? Sadly, they do not know enough to be with us, and that is a collective responsibility.

The Hebrew word “Esther” is related to the word “hester,” meaning “hiding.” Esther has hidden her true identity to those around her and often to herself. She would never have become queen had it been known that she was a Jew. In fact, she is putting her life on the line by telling the king.

We all try on masks and identities from time to time, but they are not who we really are. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what keeps us from dropping the mask. Wearing a kippah around Europe today may get you killed. As antisemitism becomes normalized in America, more and more people are being careful. I am too.

I think there are times to be clear about who you really are and claim it as truth. Being honest with the world and with yourself can be really difficult. A book I read recently highlights this perfectly. In short, a man with a wife and family could no longer suppress his female-identity (I don’t even know how to properly say this) and transitioned to being a woman. It is heartbreaking sometimes to be true to yourself.

Purim is followed 30 days later by Passover, so taking off our masks is part of the journey of liberation. We should strive to live honestly and courageously and try to bring about a world where everyone else does this too. What does the world call you to be? And if you are not being honest about who you are, then what is the point?

* * * * *

After October 7 and the crisis that continues to unfold for Jews around the world, I stand firmly and clearly behind Jewish ethics and morality. I am proud to be learning how to carry on a tradition of great resilience and learning.

As I wrote here recently, I am sometimes ecstatic with what I get to do with my days. I have this little card on my windowsill at my desk that says:

AWARENESS

In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another day just like today, and there will never be another just like it again. Today is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until the hour of your death. If you were aware of how precious today is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all. — Frederick Buechner

Just last night watched a recording of a Mussar class based on the writings of Rav Kook, and discovered this concept: “Today, I am exactly the person I was destined to be. I had to take those detours and make those mistakes in order to be who I am RIGHT NOW. I have everything I need to be me right now, and still I must continue to engage in the process of becoming complete.”

I got shivers when I heard this. I have almost let go of the regret of not going to rabbinical school 25 years ago, having heard “that wasn’t your time.” And I am grateful for all of what I have accomplished, the people I’ve met, the jobs, becoming a mother, running a school book fair, designing our home. But that those steps were NECESSARY… I had not considered that. That helps me cultivate faith and trust.

In the class, I wrote down 3 things about myself that I love: curiosity, compassion, and wanting to help others. And 3 things I dislike: impulsivity, sensitivity, and judgmental tendencies. However, as I learned that those negative-seeming traits are also gifts that I have for a reason, I viewed them differently. Impulsivity can be a very good thing when following my curiosity to learn something new. Sometimes I’ll read a bunch of books on one topic and that can be fun. Sensitivity, which generally I see as a strength, can be a little too much sometimes, but this aids in allowing for compassion for others and can counteract the judgment. Plus, loving myself more will lead to judging myself less, which will then help me to judge others less.

So that is one or two masks I can stop wearing.

Posted in Mussar, Writing | Tagged purpose, Queen Esther | 2 Comments

On loving the journey

Posted on March 12, 2024 by Naomi

This week’s Torah portion is about building a sacred space. While wandering in the desert, the Israelites needed a central place for God to dwell amongst them and to look to for comfort and direction. We read that each person was identified for a specific task. Each person has skills and abilities and should embrace their passions as a way to find partnership with God. Who are we to deny our innate gifts? Each one of us needs to tap into our creative capacity because this is how we build ourselves and our community.

The past four years (at least) for me have purposely been full of learning and discovering. It has been surprising and remarkable, like walking barefoot on soft sand when you’ve only ever worn shoes. There are nuances to discover and treasures just beneath the surface that I never knew were there.

Making a significant change in your life usually entails a deep review of your previous choices and deepest yearnings, as well as where you treaded off-course, perhaps on multiple occasions. It involves contemplating quiet messages from your soul, and possibly ones that are not-so-quiet. The actual decision might be quick and easy, but the road to get to that decision is rarely short and sweet.

For me, it meant tuning into those moments that gave me goosebumps and awaked me to what I most needed to feel fulfilled and alive. Fortunately, it was easy to change the shape of my days and enroll in a graduate program. I didn’t have to disrupt my family or move across the world as some personal choices seem to require, and we have the financial ability to pay for this education.

One danger of my love of learning is that I am interested in and want to know so much more – and right away. Of course, the more I learn, the more sure I am of my decision to go to rabbinical school, and the more I realize the vastness of what I do not know. I often feel that I’m racing against time. If I only have a certain number of days, a specific amount of time to fill, I want to be even more intentional than I already am in what I fill it with.

I’ve never been one to watch much tv or sit around chatting, but I’ve come to some odd new place where I am not content because there are so many books I want to read and experiences to be had! I have been making a lot of lists, such as “Webinars and Podcasts to Catch Up On” and “Long-Term To-Dos,” both of which are rather lengthy.

It’s about breadth, but depth as well, and how to do it all. This inevitably leads to lack of self-care. It seems to be a cycle for me, and one that is now more intense. I know that if I give myself some down-time for rest (body and mind), I’ll have more capacity for school and for others, and yet …

I have long felt that there is a path I am meant to be on, but there are no obvious road signs for how to get to it. I know I am on it when I have a sense of recognition that I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing, when possibilities bloom from nothing and I have a giddy sense of awareness of the blessings in my life. It could be a book that speaks directly to my soul as if I wrote it myself, a feeling of safety and warmth as I close my eyes in communal prayer, a recognition of the ease of conversation with a soul-friend, or a playful curiosity when creating something new.

I know when I’m on that path, and I am recognizing more and more moments of alignment with that path. I have a group of people that I hold close and who I can tap into when I have a life-direction quandary. I’m currently doing this about how to direct myself toward more moments of alignment. What gets in the way of my walking this path full time? How do I overcome my lack of confidence? How do I put myself into more situations where I’ll feel those shivers of recognition?

After one and a half years as a rabbinical student taking classes online, I have experienced two powerful in-person retreats. They are immersive and all-encompassing and somehow exclude the natural laws of place and time… the conversations are deeper, and three days feels like three weeks. When I combine that with the travel, lack of sleep, and intensity, I come out of that spiral a different person.

The November retreat left me spinning. I encountered so many different forms of prayer and learning that I was overwhelmed. I met “famous” people and talked with them as if they were not. I witnessed so many different ways of being on a spiritual journey that I am still processing it.

Now that I am home from my second in-person gathering, I see that I’ve learned many new things and that I’m a little bit changed already. First, I have an “expertise” in a few subjects and could talk about them and people will listen to me. This is truly shocking to me and leads to the second revelation… I need to overcome a lack of confidence in myself. Does this come with practice and exposure? What is this about? How many people will need to tell me I’m incredible before I think so too?

After the first retreat, I felt an overwhelming sense of regret that I didn’t do this 25 years ago. It was a crushing sense of loss of valuable time. This time, that feeling is still there, but less so, and I can see that things unfold in their correct time, and that it just wasn’t the right time before. I need all of the life experiences I have had in order to allow this new venture to naturally evolve and to bring wisdom to the journey. The fact that it feels so right is what I wish I had years ago. Younger me tried so so hard – searching, dreaming, looking for my people – and I wish I could take away all that uncertainty and all those tears. She could not find her voice, and now that I feel sure about where I am and what I’m doing, I want that for my younger self too.

What a lesson… it’s a matter of trusting the unfolding, of exploring the soulful journey that I’m on, of watching my own evolution and really tuning in to my soul’s voice. I’ve decided to stop focusing on what is missing and focus instead on what I can create. I have met some beautiful people already and I have learned a vast amount about myself and my abilities. I’m looking forward to all the tomorrows ahead.

Posted in Spirituality, Writing | Tagged finding your path | 1 Comment

Time flies with good books! January check-in

Posted on February 8, 2024 by Naomi

We have had some un-Texas-like weather… a hard freeze where it was 17 degrees and Peanut, our little palm tree, had to be protected… The jury is still out on whether she survived. Then it rained for days and days. But finally the sun is out (and for some reason the temps are in the 70s).

For the first time, I am taking THREE 2.5 hours classes in a row on one day. That is nuts and I will not do it again. However, they are excellent and I’m really enjoying them. (Don’t call me on Wednesdays please.)

For two years, I thought I was wearing progressive eyeglasses. It turns out that they were “Zeiss digital,” a fancy name for some tiny boost at the very bottom of the lens for computer users. So now I’m getting the correct lenses.

I’m enjoying several books at the moment, which I hope to tell you about soon. I completed four in January: These three and a fiction book not worth mentioning.

No Two Persons by Erica Bauermeister: An excellent set of interconnected profiles about the power of one story to change lives. Highly highly recommend. I may actually read it again.

The Jewish State: From Opposition to Opportunity – A Vision for Unity in Israel and Why the World Needs It by Doron Perez: The unity of the Jewish People as it relates to the State of Israel. Rabbi Perez is head of the Mizrachi movement.

Brave the Wild River: The Untold Story of Two Women Who Mapped the Botany of the Grand Canyon by Melissa Sevigny: What an amazing story! This book just won several awards. Two female botanists and their successful attempts to navigate a male-dominated boat trip down the treacherous Colorado River to catalog new plant species.

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One small thing you could do to protect our democracy

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Naomi

It certainly feels to me that our country is in the midst of some kind of adolescent identity crisis. What kind of independence are we granted and what do we need to give in exchange for it? I understand that many of our citizens are overcome with a scarcity mindset of fear, which is displayed with anger, extreme thought, and violence (like a toddler testing limits). But let’s not let him run away from home.

It is through a Jewish-values lens that I wish to point out that perhaps rather than focusing on our rights, we should consider what our responsibilities might be. To one another and to our democracy. A child can’t just sit at home and complain, have tantrums, and demand food and toys. He must contribute… show some initiative… understand how to improve and grow into his potential. And how does he learn to do this? The parent models for him moral action, patience, and understanding. You see where I’m going with this.

It is no small thing to have the privilege of giving input into the direction of the nation. So much of the world does not have a voice or their elections are a sham. One vote plus one vote plus one vote… who knows what might happen. Maybe we could keep a semblance of national leadership that guides with pluralistic wisdom. I am cautiously optimistic.

I’m guessing that most Americans won’t vote in the primaries, thinking the outcome is inevitable. But what if every Democrat in the country (and others too) voted for the non-Trump candidate in the Republican primaries?

Today I’m glad I live in Texas. (I am generally terrible for state PR.) I just Googled “can democrat vote in republican primary” and guess what…. YES you can! Texas is one of 17 states that have “open primaries,” meaning you don’t declare your ~~major~~ party affiliation when you register to vote. You can choose which primary to vote in and you don’t have to choose a political affiliation to do so.

The primary elections, at least in Texas, are two separate elections on one day. The attendant will ask in which primary you are voting (probably without such excellent grammar) in order to give you the Republican or the Democratic ballot.

I am going to vote in the Republican primary, people. Why didn’t I think of this before? Why isn’t this on the Today Show?

Caveat: If I vote for Nikki Haley to be the Republican nominee, let’s just say, on Super Tuesday on March 5, and there is a runoff in the Democratic primary election for some reason I cannot fathom… I can’t vote in it.

The good news: I can vote for either party’s candidate in the general election. I am not obligated to remain a Republican for the entire year, as I’d thought. Thank goodness. No offense.

So the question is: why doesn’t every Democrat do this? I found this online from a Texas Tribune article:

Is it common for Democrats to participate in the Republican primary, and vice versa? In short, no. According to Elizabeth Simas, a political science professor at the University of Houston who spoke about this with Texas Standard, cases of strategic voting don’t happen much in primary elections. “Certainly, there are people who do it … but we just don’t see it happening as much as there’s potentially this fear for it to happen,” Simas said.

I think this doesn’t occur to most of us. Notice how she called it “strategic.” Help me keep an unhinged maniac off the general election ballot please!!! Vote for Nikki Haley and be strategic too!

See what your state’s policy is for primaries here. Some are mixed. Some are closed.

(And please do not ask me who I’d vote for in November between Biden and Haley. I don’t know enough yet to answer that one. Let’s get there first!)