I find it interesting, and certainly human, that when outside circumstances force us into a place that we’d never choose for ourselves, our inherent response is negative. I don’t know how we have come to expect things to go a certain way, generally with unruffled feathers and perhaps even with a shiny bow on top. It feels like the good that comes our way is owed to us and the bad, well, that’s just not fair!
Learning to see the obstacles as a gift is really really hard. At least for me. To do that, we first have to completely let go of the expectation that things are meant to be a certain way for us. Then we have to learn to trust… trust in the unforeseen infinite powers at play in the universe that events will unfold as they are meant to and that there will be nothing that is not meant to be. Perhaps we can come to find peace in the knowledge that there is ultimately nothing to worry about, that somewhere, somehow, all is as it should be.
Certainly nothing exceptional ever came from simply bopping along in your life, just moving through the days, not striving for anything, not facing any troubles. When we give ourselves something to work toward, we find all sorts of emotions popping up, fears, dreams. This is the stuff of life. Maybe we achieve our goal; maybe we don’t. We are not the same as we were beforehand.
Every situation, every circumstance of our lives, is fodder for our growth, if only we could come to view it that way! How do you want to grow? For me, I want to see each challenge as a chance to gain new skills, to practice patience and resilience and trust.
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Maybe the first obstacle I ever faced as an adolescent brought up feelings of intense fear, helplessness, and self-doubt and I started to distrust absolutely everything I held dear. I wouldn’t even say I “overcame” it, but rather pushed through it with such determination that I had extra positive anger to carry me forward. “Who are you to stop me,” I seemed to be saying. “I’m doing this life thing!”
Then, in college, again a whopper of a life event that crippled my sense of who to trust, what it meant to be safe, and how to care for myself. That time I had to unravel the garments I wore up to then and piece together something new, something of a little thicker material, but far more comfortable.
I can see retrospectively that each and every setback, whether it be life-altering or simply “one of those things,” has ultimately led me to greater heights than I ever would have reached by carrying along as usual.
I guess it’s cliche to say that a literal roadblock that forces you turn the car around in frustration might just lead you to view the most stunning sunset of your life, or it might take you to a different restaurant or to a gas station where you happen to run into that buddy from 30 years ago you forgot about. I don’t know… I think it’s important to cultivate patience in that moment of inconvenience and frustration, that maybe it’s ok. Maybe we could trust and see what happens.
There have been other times that I have stumbled for various reasons. One or two of them involved major identity shifts and new perspectives that I now think I needed to acquire. I am certainly stronger for having been through them.
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I am thinking about all this now because again I am packing my house in preparation for another move. The owner of our rental house is coming back before our new house is finished, so we are putting things in storage and going to a furnished apartment for 3 months. It’s not ideal, but it is yet another opportunity to face my strong need to have control over all the minor details. 🙂
Moving is one of those life stressors that is right up there with building a new house! Packing entails physical exhaustion, facing every single one of your possessions, questioning what (and how much of it) you need around you, and what makes you feel safe.
Where I would like to be in all this is far from where I actually find myself. I wish I could box up a few things and just go, but instead, I have countless boxes of I don’t know what… fancy platters and protein powder and tax records and AAA batteries and crayons and cat litter and old overcoats and 37 pairs of shoes. It feels very heavy and the only way I know of to make it seem lighter somehow is to give it less mental space. It’s stuff… it’s our stuff and it comes with us, but it’s not that important.
After the storm 2 Augusts ago, I could not believe how much we owned that we had to put into storage after we’d already thrown away flood-damaged clothing, furniture, books, bathroom drawers full of shampoo, kitchen drawers full of pots and pans, photo albums and artwork and toys. In some way, it was a relief to let things go and a disappointment that so much was left. It all felt heavy even though I was grateful to have it.
This should remind me of my own impermanence and to try to “let go” of control. Of course it’s all details and only details. The boxes will be taped closed and taken to the next stop along our journey. As Mr. B reminds me often, it’s all perspective.
We receive countless gifts every single day – a safe home, nourishment, medical care, electricity, clothing, friendships, M&M’s… I am reminded to be full of gratitude for whatever is taking place in the present moment.
How can you turn an obstacle into an opportunity?
Beautiful. Thought provoking. As always. Insightful. Continued blessings cuz!
Thank you!!