We must have times when our hearts struggle and break open. I think perhaps it is only when our heart is broken that we are truly without ego, present to the awareness within us. The Kotzker Rebbe said “there is nothing more whole than a broken heart” and I think that is true. Our relationships mean the most then and are sometimes our lifelines back to ourselves. Even through pain, we are so much more in our body and self. Our heart is tender and our vulnerability evident.
From my current Mussar class’ concluding lesson:
The most important thing is to keep taking steps. The steps that are true and straight will bring their own reward. But there is learning to be had in our stumbles too. We can’t help but regret our missteps, and they put upon us the obligation to do the course-correcting work of teshuvah. But why do they keep happening to us? Why, despite our best intentions to set our feet straight on the path of ascent, do we inevitably slip and fall?
Part of the upward journey requires that we acquire new hearts, and before that can happen, our old hearts need to be broken and reformed (re-formed). There is abundant evidence that life is set up to crack open our hearts, whether through loss and disappointment or as a result of our spiritual efforts. It’s the cracks that let in the light.
Over and over again, as life just happens sometimes, we learn the right thing to do or to say (or not to do or say), and we change our ways. We are human. We make mistakes. If we are improving though, it is wholly worth it for the knowledge and the gift of doing better.
At rock bottom, the only thing we have to cling to is faith. Faith in recovery and healing. Faith in a higher power. Faith in ourselves. It is lonely there, yet there is a vulnerability there that is not normally present so close to our surface. The old must be broken open in order to make way for the new.
Do you find this to to be true?
I find this topic so interesting. Although I have to say that my struggles did indeed lead to growth, when I look back with hindsight I realise that didn’t have to be the case. The reason the struggle opened the door to the growth was because I was then forced to see what I didn’t previously wish to see. I believe deep down we know when changes need to be made, but we don’t want to see that, so we pretend. The struggle is a result of the pretence. So although I don’t really believe growth has to be a result of struggle, I do see how getting to the place of struggle is sometimes the only way to find the key to the door. Thought provoking … Thank you.
That’s so true. In retrospect, I guess I feel the same, though at the time, I never would have had the resources to deal with things differently. You are so right about the struggle being denial. But I have to forgive myself for it because I just didn’t know. But going forward…
Sounds like a great class. I just read something in a book yesterday with a similar thought to this. One point was that as children, we never had any qualms about falling down, we would just get back up and try again. It’s not until we get older that we question the ‘giving it another try’. I thought it was a very interesting perspective.
Also, one of my favorite Rumi quotes is “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
Elda recently posted…Glued To The Rearview Mirror
That IS interesting, Elda. Too much disappointment and rejection maybe is what makes adults hesitate?
So beautifully written. I agree wholeheartedly… and I might add, am a bit jealous of your Mussar class. Carry on. You’re acing it.
Aw, shucks. Thank you!!
I find that true connection with others comes when you are willing to share your brokenness. If the road were always good, we’d be bored, right?
Amy Putkonen recently posted…Writing Confessions
It does seem that my most popular and helpful blog posts are ones where I share my own story. Hmm. Interesting…