Some of you wrote in the comments for Monday’s post that I am living a whirlwind and you don’t know how I do it. I’ve been feeling that way for a while now too and you are convincing me that it’s totally unnecessary! (I know, I keep writing this same thing and not doing anything about it.)
Yesterday morning, we all overslept because my sweet girl didn’t finally fall asleep until 10pm the night before, not for lack of trying (and I still have to be right there next to her), and the morning was ridiculously hectic. I have jammed so many things into my calendar that it’s impossible to get things done if I miss a beat. I’ll spare you the details. The feeling of rushing all the time, of finding value in every single moment, is just too much pressure!
Self-care has been a focus lately in several of my classes. We are talking about making sure we prioritize and do things to replenish ourselves. Well, I must simplify.
- I will schedule my to-do’s with a max of 3 per day. There is very little reason I can’t put off that trip to Costco or file papers a different day. Also, I will break tasks down into manageable chunks. “Review finance website and set up online budget” is something that is going to take hours, so I will be nice to myself and spread it out. No rush to get it done just to get it done quickly. Hopefully just knowing that I already have time set aside for a task will allow me to let it go for now.
- I thought I was treating myself to something helpful when I asked our housekeeper to come every week rather than every other, but I see now that rushing around to straighten up and reminding others to put their things away, waiting for her to arrive so we can get where we need to go in the morning, having to move around the house to let her do her work… it’s actually stressful for me!
- I will say “no” more often. In order to be able to say “yes” to song leading at synagogue or teaching Sunday school, I have to have space in my schedule to do the preparation those things involve. So I can’t join that book club or take another class. Sometimes it seems I have time but then I realize I definitely don’t. I have to proactively create space in my days.
- I am doing some deep spiritual development over here, which means I also need time to daydream and journal, to stare out the window and get in touch with my inner voice. I need to ponder what I’m reading, learning, and discovering. Rushing around leaves zero time for that, so I am really doing myself a disservice by not letting it all sink in.
- I will list all these classes and figure this out. Even if something sounds absolutely amazing, I will NOT sign up for more. (I’m taking a 30 day mama happiness class, so that doesn’t count, ok? I realize this is hypocritical.) I’ve been letting myself slack on some of them too: not doing anything at all with Paper Love or Soul Food (shouldn’t have spent the money, I guess); behind on Art Society; I have a full Evolving Wisdom class in my e-mail inbox I haven’t even started. Nobody is knocking on my front door to arrest me for slacking, so I guess I should stop beating myself up about it. 🙂 Maybe at another time I will be able to do some other things, but not now.
Do you get the Brave Girls’ daily emails? They are awesome. Here’s what popped into my inbox just when I needed it:
OK I’m off to schedule time do some tasks that are hanging over my head: renew a passport, make some store returns, work on my teaching curriculum, and I am going to put fun things in there too like reading a book during the daytime. Ha!
PLEASE please share how you tame your inner perfectionistic over-doing-it self if you have one! I probably need a support group.
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I crashed about six years ago because I had too much on my plate. All good but too much. My psychiatrist and counselor ordered everything taken off except work and family NEEDS. Do a love assessment as well as a time assessment. If you don’t love it, quit doing it. Be gentle to yourself and love being alone before you add anyone else.
Stacy recently posted…My Eyes Might Leak
Now that you say this, I’m reminded of my own recipe for crashing. I always think I can do way more than I really can. Thank you so much for commenting. Looking at your blog, I think we have a great deal in common. I’ll be spending more time there soon.
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Oh that is SO me (the over-scheduling). And through all the self talk about NOT doing it, I STILL do it!!!!! Toddler and all! All I want to do is everything! And the only place I ever want to go is EVERYWHERE! Am I asking too much, for cryin’ out loud?!? 🙂
Jill Morgenstern @ Do Try This at Home recently posted…Getting Your Kids in the Picture: The subtle differences between bribes, threats, and good natured cajoling
You’re very insightful Naomi. And you’re balancing being a perfectionist with a bit of a magpie (it all looks so glittery and attractive!) nature. It’s no wonder your lists are long. If I could wish one thing for you it would be just a little bit more ease around everything. For myself my guidelines are: do what brings me joy and let go of what doesn’t. No need for guilt or shame around any of it. Being honest with myself about how I am as a creative – I need lots of space around things, re-filling time, becoming inspired time. So I don’t criticize myself when I’m in the receptive flow knowing that the outflowing time will come later. And in the end I’m the only one who has to love who I am, so I don’t make compromises on that.
Deborah Weber recently posted…Life is Better with Pink Birds
You are so right, Deborah! I am such an idealist at heart and always assume the best. I am really trying to find that ease. I even gave myself a few days to respond to comments, see?@?! Like you say, who’s judging anyway?
My mother used to say the reason we didn’t have a maid (other than of course we couldn’t afford one) was that she’d feel compelled to clean the house every day before the maid came.
SKJAM! recently posted…Book Review: Cat Breaking Free
I struggle with it all the time! Of course I like when everything is in its place, but who can do that all the time? And if we don’t put something where it belongs before the housekeeper arrives, it will end up somewhere we would never think to look! Thank you for commenting!
I love that you are looking more closely at where you will choose to spend your time…it will be so good for you to have space for yourself…LOl…I only have my cleaning lady once a month now for the same reason that you will move to every other week…I find once a month for us is good…there is only two of us here…small changes make a huge difference…I hope you stick with it and I’ll even join you…this weekend I’m going to make a concrete list of what I want to accomplish and do things maybe for an hour at a time…and NO MORE classes for me either…I’m keeping up with a few but one needs some serious time…and I want to read “like you do”…lots of books more often…
Here’s to us Naomi and better spent time…xxoo
Cheryl recently posted…Look Who’s Two
Hear hear! Yesterday, I took a few moments to sit still and I realized how rarely I do that. I am lightening up on myself and balancing things better now. Every to-do item sits there on my list until I can allocate it to another day, so I’m actively letting myself reschedule tasks and it feels much better.
With so much at our fingertips, courses, inspirational reading material and groups it is no wonder highly capable creatives like yourself struggle to say no, there is so much to miss out on. I know, because this has been me and still can be me when I forget to plan for what is most important across all areas of my life.
How do I want to feel?
What roles require some TLC?
How is my health, my romance, my connections, my fiances, my career, my educational growth?
What requires my attention this week?
Where am I leading myself?
Book in the big rocks, the chunky important stuff then allow the rest to fit in around this or as you pointed out, learn to say No.
A constant work in progress for me.
Karen Main recently posted…The surprising moment I reignited my childhood wonder
I like starting out with those questions and putting in those big rocks first. It’s true, we’ll never fit them in there after all the gravel fills up to the top!
Hey lady,
I so relate to taking preparation time in account when one takes on a new obligation.
Slalom!
It’s so good to know I’m not alone in this, Stephanie. I know you relate. 🙂
Lordy….I’m tired just reading this blog! I do agree having young children makes life sooooo busy. My son is grown, my husband retired, it’s just us and the furbabies and that is hectic enough! Still the days seem too short at times….especially when I’m painting!
Your comment makes me laugh out loud!
Ah, the to do list. Everyday I post something of what to do “TODAY” in your life. About a week or so ago the ‘to do list’ thing came up. Here’s my take on it.
THE TO DO LIST!!! Do you have one?? Many times I think we forget that, that proverbial TO DO LIST should sometimes be thrown in the garbage. Life is not always about accomplishing something that goes on in our jobs, home or material in nature. Sometimes, it’s only about cultivating a simple aspect of being a friend, having a friend, or loving someone, or something. TODAY, toss that TO DO LIST out the window, and instead, be a friend, love something, even if it’s a tree, a bird, or an animal. Be a friend to yourself. Allow others to be a friend to you. Today, love the life you have now, not needing to accomplish anything more than a good relationship with another.
Kelli Spencer- Love The Life You Have
Beautifully said, Kelli! I began today in a much slower way than yesterday and feel so much better! And I narrowed that to-do list WAY down and feel so much better.
Learning to say “no” is a big one, but once you start doing it you will feel so much better. Your daughter sounds like Mallory, she never went to bed before 10 p.m., not for lack of trying. Eventually we just went with 10, and it worked out just fine. She is never going to be a morning person, frustrating to a morning person like me, but I must except it. Also Mallory went through a night terrors stage where we had to sleep close by every night or she wouldn’t go to sleep. That lasted about 9 months. I do not miss those days for sure.
Yep. I have a very intense child for sure, and acceptance is definitely part of how I get through each evening. 🙂
You’ve given me such a clear picture of your daily struggle to fit it all in. I think a major reason why I have less time pressure is my lack of children. That was a choice too, a tough one. I often feel guilty about not working enough, and yesterday was an extreme example of that. I didn’t work at all. Well, I wrote a couple work emails and made a task list. I didn’t have any trivially easy task on that list, I was tired, and I had lots of other stuff to do. I needed to take care of our chickens. I had to drive to Alamosa to drop off my husband’s truck so it will be there when he comes back from his current trip. I visited his mother in the nursing home, and she didn’t recognize me! But she thought I was some dear friend from her distant past, and she was delighted to see me anyway. She said she wanted to introduce me to her daughter in law because we both like the same band! I took care of our chickens and put a few things on Twitter and Facebook. I wrote out an itinerary email to my Mom, brother, and husband. I messed around with my devices, moving photos around so I can show them to family. I have to admit to myself that these things are more important, when I am just about to go to a family reunion.
I should also say that I think those choices we make define us as people. That reminds me of a song:
That’s very true. What we choose to spend our valuable time on shows what means the most to us or what we are worried about the most. I’m reminded that we only have this moment for sure… planning is good but obsessing is not!